Work In Progress

We have moved....

2008-08-11T23:45:00.000+01:00

So...the time has come. A new era of blogging has arrived... We have now gone WORDPRESS!!! Visit at http://ckchong.wordpress.com/ See you there!!!

The Worldly Influence on our Attitudes

2007-04-30T16:42:00.000+01:00

At a lecture today, we were given the reasons why we were asked to do a “Professional Reflective Document”. One point that was highlighted by our lecturer was that through reflection we are able to cultivate a concern for behaving in the right way. This reminded me of something that I have been thinking a lot about recently: our attitudes. I speak more specifically about medical students, as I have little idea about how applicable this is the other students, but I’m sure it will make good food for thought anyway. My now ex-role of Christian Medical Fellowship rep, I was supposed to encourage medics to become Christian doctors, and not just be doctors who just so happen to be Christians. I often focused on the fact that we can be more proactive in our faith and use the amazing opportunity that we have with out patients to share the good news of Jesus with them. Don’t get me wrong here; these things are good things to do. But a more powerful picture that people get of the Christian message is through our very own actions and attitudes. No doubt that we are constantly being examined by our non-believing peers to see what difference knowing Jesus makes in our lives. Yet often I wonder how different my attitude is compared to others. Being completely honest I have to admit that it is not always different, sometimes even ungodly. Jesus calls us to be the salt and light of the world (Matthew 5:13-16). Yet slowly through the influence of worldly ideas we are slowly being diluted, and less and less effective. Yes, so you might be thinking that you don’t get drunk, or sleep around, or lie to others But when people are backstabbing the poor lecturer because he simply isn’t blessed with a loud voice, or when everyone is making fun of the tutor who might appear to be annoying when she stands in front of the lecture theatre and asks how her students are before continuing with her lecture, who simply wants to connect to us as people; do we find ourselves joining in or worse still starting off these discussions with our friends. I am ashamed to say that I know of more non Christians with better attitudes to certain things than those of my Christian friends. I do admit that some people are slightly more annoying, and some of the work that we have to do is frustrating and sometimes seemly pointless, but before we let the attitudes of our friends affect our judgement do we take a step back to see what we really think of it ourselves. Sometimes the easiest thing to do is to agree with the others. But often I find that when I do take a look at things from a different angle that things are less pointless or silly or annoying. For example, that assignment that 3rd year medics had to complete recently, to do a research proposal, but not carry it out, might be totally useless at the time, and we all hated it, would actually be really useful if we ever went into research. Or that really quiet lecturer who no one is able to hear clearly is actually a really nice guy and wants to teach us well (and the fact that we make so much noise during the lecture doesn’t help either) The message that I am trying to put across is that we are often way too influenced by our peers, not necessarily the obvious things, more often it’s the little things that affect us. And yes there is a price to pay for being different, even with our attitudes. There have been some comments made by my non-Christian friends that I am a religious nutter and so on. But at the end of the day, if when people look at me and are able to see the real Jesus living in me then I know that I have done the right thing in my life. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. (Ezekiel 36:26-27) Brothers and sisters let us not throw away this new heart and new spirit and live by our old ways. But let us live by God’s ways.

For the Lord promises to be with you

2007-03-26T21:01:00.000+01:00

Whenever life gets so busy and serving the Lord starts to become a bit of a chore, its hard to constantly keep in mind that God is with us. This weekend (more on this later) I have been reminded over and over again that I am walking with God. And when it feels like we are trapped in this battle alone, we are reminded that Jesus is there interceding for us, and that others are praying for us as well. At the times that I have felt most down, somehow someone always reminds me that I am being prayed for. We do serve an awesome God!

CMF National Student's Conference

2007-02-08T00:46:00.000Z

For some reason, I am so incredibily excited at this conference. Usually I face these weekend aways with a dread. But this one is different! Maybe its because its something that I really am passionate about: training medical students to be the next generation of Chrsitian doctors. Doctors who will be God's workforce; holding onto intergrity and working for His glory. There's going to be so much going on this weekend. Opportunities to get to know my fellow medics better, both those from Liverpool and those from afar. After a stressful few weeks of trying to drag people to go to the conference and raise money for subsidizing students, finally the whole centre was filled out. Packed out every single bed, every room and maybe one or two cupboards (just kidding). Even if those remaining people who weren't planning on going suddenly wanted to go we wont be able to accomodate them. Maybe we need an even bigger venue next time! Im looking forward to the amazing Bible teaching this weekend holds and the seminars that would help us to understand ethics better, challenge us on hard topics or just simply to walk with God better. One thing for sure is that its going to be an extremely busy weekend, yet the ablity of having a few days away from Liverpool and the problems this place holds is all that I need to hold on to know that the busyness is worth it! Look out for photos to come!

Life as a Third Year Medic

2007-01-22T09:21:00.000Z

Today I will be facing my first 24 hour shift in the hospital. I'll probably spend about 39 hours awake in total. The last time I spent days not sleeping was during the SSMs last year where I spent 3 days awake, by the end I was having visual and auditory hallucinations. Well, tonight I will start on Delivery Suite at Liverpool Women's Hospital at 8pm, and I am scheduled to be there until 8pm tomorrow. I'm pretty excited at the prospect of seeing a few deliveries and maybe assisting in some...... Last Saturday I spend going down to London for the CMF Regional Representatives meeting. It was a good meeting. But we all face the issue of lacking time. Most of us have extremely busy courses, and with that also have to run the local CMF groups as well as supporting the other medical schools in our region. Personally, I can see that I have neglected a lot of my studies over the last few weeks to sort out things for the meeting on Saturday and the National Conference we are having. But it was purely by God's grace that He sustained me through the weeks gone by. Its a wonder how I have managed to get so far already. In a desparate attempt to balance out my committements, last night I sat down and scheduled every hour of this week. To have clear cut times to study, plan for CMF, and also to rest. Unfortunately, rest doesnt come readily and housework and cooking and attending church has now been classified as rest. Right, I have got to sort out a list of things to do before tonight. Ciao

Death of the blogs

2007-01-15T00:02:00.000Z

You know what I noticed over the past few months. Facebook is taking over the world of blogs. These days most people, including myself are getting lazy with their blogs and not posting on them. I blame the fact that Facebook is just much more easier to maintain than a blog. Gone are the hours of thinking for inspiration for a good post and hours of writing a readable post. And then there are so much more people actually on Facebook anyway. I love Facebook! I'm meeting people that I lost contact with over the years of moving schools and places. But with all these random groups on it friends are finding each other again!! With RSS, we can link up all the time-wasting activities onto Facebook, so I promise that I will try my best to keep this website going....... But here is my Facebook badge ;)

Male Restroom Etiquette

2006-12-31T14:50:00.001Z

Take a look at this video. This is hillarious but it is quite true. Beware this video is 10mins long!!

The Rat Race

2006-12-03T00:22:00.000Z

A new batch of students in Year 3, another 300 or so medics trying to fight for a place that they think will give them the maximum potential to offer them the best education that they can receive for their finals....... All too often I find myself trapped into the delusion that I have to go for the hospital who will offer me the best a medic can get. A place without the distraction of university life or a million 2nd year medics swarming the place. A place with doctors who are willing to give up their time to spend teaching you about some rare medical condition or so. Yet when I look at the situation that I am in, the things that I have gone through, and what might come, I know its best to have less superior teaching and have the support that my friends and church family offers. I have recently gone through hell (excuse the language, but I can't think of a gentler word that would capture the reality of the situation). Even with the support of a loving network of friends I went on a slippery slope and crashed down. True that often I was running away from people prying into my feelings and thoughts, it was helpful to have the occasional person to talk to or to bounce thoughts off. I can imagine what it would be like to have no one to care, no one to notice, I've been there once, and I don't want to go back there. But even so, I can't help but doubt my decision when I hear my friends talk about the perks of moving places and the amazingness of one hospital over another. Suddenly I find myself getting into the worldly-view that I have to go for what is best and put my career above everything else. When asked about my reasons for the choices that I have made, I still sheepishly say that I am committed to my church and friends here, waiting for the anticipated shock and horror that I am putting my career in second place. It really is like running a rat race, getting for oneself what the world best offers for them. Even though my feelings sway from moment to moment, I know that God is sovereign over everything and will provide me with everything that I need to glorify him with my studies.

Gratitude

2006-11-20T23:44:00.000Z

Through the time that it feels as though life is so bleak and unstable and that no one seems to care, its truly comforting to find out that someone is faithfully lifting you up to God in prayer. A friend who I haven't know for all that long, said to me just now online that he prays for me everyday before he goes to bed. Now that is real love, care and faithfulness that I didnt even ask for!

Mysterious Figure

2006-11-19T21:58:00.000Z

I was chatting to my housemate today who was trying to diagnose me without first asking about my [medical] history (meaning signs and symptoms). Well then her answer was that she knew about everything that I had. This really triggered me to think. Not many know me that well. Whilst she might be able to observe the physical effects of my insomnia, little does anyone know of the things that are happening in the background that might be the causers. To be fair, I'm such a reserved person that even my closest buddy doesn't know me half as much as he deserves. Well, honestly, no-one can really expect 18 years of a zipped up personality to spontaneously open up to reveal the messed up individual inside. But as my world crumbles before me, sometimes I wish that someone could understand me, but theres a price to pay for everything.....

Invalid Argument: "Theres too much bad stuff in this world"

2006-09-18T11:26:00.000+01:00

Occasionally I find myself stuck into a “feeling sorry for myself” mode. Well its easy to. The world seems to turn against you, even those who are meant to be loving and caring turn around and crush you. Yet even when there seems to be no hope in my own little world, its worse for a lot more others. I was reading a Time magazine article, outlining the horrifying story of the escape of a young North Korean woman aided by a group of Christians. Its an extremely lengthy article, but you can read it here. Reading about things like this often leaves me with mixed feelings. Anger at the inhumanness of people, sorrow for those who are oppressed but most vividly of all is shame at myself for even for a moment considered that things were bad for me. Even if the fact that I have repetitive nightmares from things that have happened in the past leaving me tired and unable to properly work at times, people having a joke about things that are often hurtful, being abandoned by ones family etc are no match for the physical and emotional pain that so many are subjected to around the world today. It often leaves me with guilt that I don’t nearly enough lift up these people in prayer, as prayer is something that I can do for them. My actual point is raised to those who refuse to believe in God because “there is too much bad stuff in the world” There is too much bad stuff, but its all due to sin. It might not be the sin of that person who causes the particular individual to suffer but it is still due to the sin of another. The more I think about the “too much bad stuff” argument to more it points to God and His grace. To think about it, we aren’t much different to what it was in the Old Testament world when God rightfully destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah. One might read through those passages in Genesis and think, “Gross, people were really bad then”. But how much more different are we today? Not much. And if God could destroy those cities then, the only reason he doesn’t end this world is of his GRACE and LOVE. Each day that passes is an extra day that God grants for us to turn back to him and take his gift of salvation. So that when God comes back to destroy this world and end all sin, we don’t get destroyed with the rest of the world. Only trusting in Jesus can assure one’s salvation. So to all those who reject God because there is too much bad stuff: Open your eyes and think of the reason why God doesn’t step in and end it all. If you are expecting God to do that, then you can also expect God to destroy you in the process. For none of us are good enough as we all bare the sin of mankind: Rejecting God. Wake up and stop rejecting God too, or suffer your own demise.

=======

If anything in the above has raised any questions or comments from anyone, feel free to leave me a comment below or email me this.is.ck(-at-)gmail.com [remove (-at-) and replace with @]. I will get back to you if you leave your contact details.

God-given Rest

2006-09-15T01:03:00.000+01:00

Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.

In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat— for he grants sleep to those he loves.

Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth.

Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

-Psalm 127

Tiredness + Stress = Nocturnal Sleep

2006-09-14T02:23:00.000+01:00

Its this time of the year again: Freshers' Week, SSM, starting a new year. Slowly the shady figure of stress creeps up on you and the next thing you know is that it affects everything that you do. The above is a picture of what you will probably see if you walked into my office randomly.......

SSMs....again

2006-08-30T17:13:00.001+01:00

This is now my 4th SSM. It makes me sound so old....hahahaha. Again, just like the previous 3 SSMs I sit here in week 1, wondering what on earth I am going to write about. Times like this I just wished that we are told what to do. I picked up my SSM breakdown from my previous SSM. As I read through the SSM I was shocked to see that EVERY category has been marked excellent, even in the vital category 7, but whoever marked my SSM then decided to cross out the excellent to mark me a good. This resulted in a "merit" mark instead of a distinction. It was as though they marked it, then decided that I didn't deserve a distinction. Its not like I deserved a distinction, but if they first decided to mark it a distinction the first time round then they should keep it that way instead of changing their minds. Its a good reflection on life. How everyone seems to be telling you that you are not good enough. No one ever seems to be happy by the way you are and with the things that you do. You can never reach the standards of everyone else or their moral high grounds. When I read through my mark sheet yesterday, I felt like I was standing in a big hall with the examiner at the front of the hall saying: "CK, your crap and useless" At least one thing is for certain is that when I stand in front of God on Judgement Day, that God won't say to me: "Sorry son, your not good enough for heaven" I know that I am never going to be good enough for God but Jesus died for my sin and all my inequities. So my hope is secure in Jesus.

Grace Beyond Comprehension

2006-08-26T00:36:00.000+01:00

Its been a few hours since my resit results came out. Despite being severely late, and high stress levels, it was relieve all around when the faculty finally decided that they were releasing results. All that I can do for my success in these exams is thank God and praise him that he never denies anything good from us. Its amazing to think that despite all the crazy things that happened in the resits and all the mistakes that I made, I still passed. I don't know why God would choose to bless me so abundantly and freely or why he would choose to bless me with knowledge and the ability to get from 2 year to 3rd year of medicine. One thing is for sure is that he wants me to use it to proclaim his name and to serve him in this field. With the short term serving on various committees and roles within CMF, I know that I have both an exciting and challenging year ahead of me. Most would choose to go out and celebrate after getting their results, but I was too numb to really do anything. Random feelings would set in but all quickly replaced with that strange numbness. Eventually I decided to go over to my house to clean the place up ready for us all to move back in. I knew that I needed to do some tidying, but I didn't really expect to have to deep clean my kitchen and living room again. I've barely even lived in that house yet. I have become more and more convinced that the very existence of handy men are to make other people's lives miserable and to do a bad job at pretty much everything that they do. Walking around the house I can see that even as an unqualified D-I-Y person I could have done it all to a much higher standard. But even more upsetting was to open my cupboard to find plaster and ceiling rubble inside the cupboard and all over the plates, bowls and cups. I was close to tears in disbelief that anyone could leave another person's house like that. After spending 3 and half hours scrubbing and cleaning I have finally cleaned it all up the kitchen, the rest of the house to be dealt with tomorrow as its late into the night already. Yet again, the numbness sets in......

Nervous who me?

2006-08-25T15:51:00.000+01:00

2 minutes to go until my results are out. Well its the strange nervous feeling that you get when you have to open the university acceptance or rejection letter when you apply. Accept from the fact that I am a lot more nervous than I ever have been. For the past week, I've been trying to bury my head in tidying and filing as well as other random things. Yet, the truth is that at the back of y head is that ever ticking clock reminding me that minute by minute we draw closer to the results. No matter how much I try to deny the fact, I am stressed as my body tells me, partly reflected by the inability to sleep properly etc. Before coming to uni, Ive been pretty confident at recieving good results, but since starting uni, my confidence has been shattered, especially with having to resit some exams. Last week before my exam, one of my friends asked where can God be in times like this. But to be honest, if I wasnt a Christian, I dont think I would have got through these exams so peacefully. The strength that God gives to me day by day to sustain me through my revision, and the many Christians friends that I have that keep me in their prayers. Thank you God and thank you everyone.

Malaysian Cuisine......

2006-08-20T19:41:00.000+01:00

Its almost 4 whole years since I've left Malaysia. With no foreseeable chance to return there soon, I really miss the culture and the food. Malaysia and other south-eastern Asian countries are reknown for their diverse cuisines, and the most important thing is that it almost always tastes really really good! I was looking for something different to cook this afternoon and thought that I would try to cook "Claypot Chicken Rice". After browsing the net for recipes, I got distracted with the enormous number of Malaysian food blogs available. Reading the blogs made me recall some of the many food items out there. It was as clear as yesterday and I could taste and smell the food as if I was eating it. I know that I have the ability to cook up some of the dishes, substituting some of the ingredients here and there but the core ingredients needed are often very expensive and can only be purchased from China Town. If cost wasn't an issue, I don't really want to cook something that other people might not like. A lot of it is acquired taste as its almost always very different from western cuisine. It would be a waste of effort to go to all the trouble to cook something that not many would like. This moment I experienced what many international students feel when they miss their home cuisine. Strange that even when I'm not an international student I know more of how it feels to be one than what it feels like to be a home student.

Its Over....

2006-08-18T17:49:00.000+01:00

Wow, its finally over. At last I can walk through the door and not have to head through to the table to study. But for those of you who know me well, you can probably guess what I did. I invited a few good friends around for dinner with Pete and Catriona. So for the past 3 hours I’ve been slaving away in the kitchen. OK not quite salving away as its been very enjoyable. Whilst its been lovely to have my dinner cooked for me almost everyday by Peter or Catriona, I have missed cooking. Anyways, I have prepared food for a 3 course meal, the table is set and the wine is chilling. Now all I need to do is wait for the guests to arrive so that I can start to cook. I will post some picture of the dinner up if I can remember to take some….. (assume that I wont, because I’ll forget…..) On other news, it’s a week until BJ and Jacinth come back. I cant wait.

==========

Well, as I said I would forget to take photos. Well so that you drool over what we had I'll just post what we had for dinner then. ;) Starter: - Spicy Chicken served on a bed of crunchy vegetables topped with herb salad Main: - Chilli and Ginger Salmon served with green beans and pan fried noodles Dessert: - Lemon tart I don't normally get to serve dinner on a table, so I went to the full length of proper presentation. It was fun and we had a good dinner with good company. :)

Random Thoughts of a Anxious Candidate

2006-08-17T11:30:00.000+01:00

The thought that lingers in the back of my head is that it could happen again. What if I sit through this exam and my mind goes completely blank, or I make the same mistakes again. Or that disapproving look on the examiner's face, that glare, the one that spells out: "You stupid fool". Even without making mistakes, the examiner knows that every single candidate that sits theses exams are those who failed last time and are now resiting. Does that prejudice us, I don't know. What I do know is that God is in control and I can trust that whatever happens is in God's plans. Now that's amazing!

Cycling....

2006-08-14T22:30:00.000+01:00

It was the first time that I cycled to church yesterday....man it was an experience! Its not until you cycle that you notice all the steeps and the slopes. I've walked the route several times and even ran it. But then yesterday, I could feel my legs dying as I pedalled, revolution after revolution all the way to church. Just to add to my fustrations was a stupid woman and her friend who decided to drive on the wrong side of the road heading into me and refusing to stop until she reached a meter in front of me. She then thought that it would be funny laugh with her friend at me for getting off my bike and pushing it around her car. Well enough of this rant. Three more days until my exams. I cant wait to be free!!

Whats wrong with my house???

2006-08-11T12:07:00.000+01:00

It was the perfect house with the perfect housemates and it all fitted in perfectly, until….. Ok maybe it wasn’t that perfect after all. I mean housemates-wise, I think they are all great. House-wise, its ok, small and cozy and a pretty good kitchen, all except for all the artex on the walls and ceilings, but that’s another story. The problems with this house are the service and utility providers! I cant seem to be able to sort out anything with this house. Well here’s the list of things gone wrong….

Moved into house and called up British Gas who supplied the gas as we weren’t receiving any gas. Had to wait for about 15mins before I could speak to anyone, then they had to wait for 3 days to sort out the meter resulting in no gas for 3 days.
Called up a week later to set up the electricity and gas accounts. Was on the phone for 45 mins being passed from one person to another, a total count of 5!
The landlord’s handy man was off sick so we had to wait for 2 weeks. Two weeks has now long gone and we are now onto week 7! Still no signs of him.
Call up British Gas again to sort out the direct debits. This time it wasn’t that long but still was on the phone for 25mins.
Received an electricity bill for £75. The details of us moving in were completely wrong so were the readings. Called up British Gas who insisted that I called up with those details. I told them that it wasn’t possible as we didn’t have keys to the property and it was a Sunday and I had better things to do on a Sunday than sort out my utilities. After being tossed from person to person and 35 mins later I was able to sort out the issue.
Received the broadband bill for this month and got billed £35. I took out the contract for our house with a cost of £28. Called up this morning, and was informed that I didn’t have the £28 offer because I didn’t have the TV package. I was infuriated because I was told that I could have it without the TV. Looked for my previous bills and called up again. This time I got “senior management” who insisted that the system corrected me to £35 so he would not take any responsibility over it. I said that it was absurd and said that even if a patient was on a machine then the doctor was still responsible for the patient. So now I have the lovely task of writing to Telewest to complain.

The thing that annoys me the most with all these companies is that they all seem to have inept staff who inform you of one thing then take no responsibility over things. Last year I got charged £50 by Telewest and £25 by my bank for missing a direct debit payment and wrong advice that I had received from Telewest. Well at the end of the day, despite all these problems, I am thankful that I still have great housemates!! Have a great day. p.s. for future reference, don’t agree to handle bills in the house!!!

If it happened a few minutes later, I'll be dead.....

2006-08-09T13:44:00.001+01:00

I have been learning to cycle in the past few months. Well not really done much apart from a couple of week during Easter and a couple of weeks just gone. It was raining yesterday evening and I took my bike for a ride in the rain so that I could experience what it would be like to cycle in the rain. So I was cycling around Sefton Park (a big park near where I live) and suddenly I was skidding across the road. I can’t remember exactly what happened but somehow managed to loose control of the bike, fell off, skidded across the road with my right arm stretched out. Eventually I stopped with my bike just behind me. It was raining quite heavily so although my hand was rubbing against the road it was sore but not cut. I quickly dragged myself onto the pavement and a few minutes later a car zoomed past. Still in shock, I crouched at the pavement until I regained some sense. It wasnt until I saw blood marks on my shorts that I realised that I was cut somewhere. After checking around I saw that my elbow was badly grazed (I did try to take a photo when I got home but I was too shaky to take any decent shots). Obviously I was then too freaked out to cycle back and had to walk my bike back home in the rain. After taking ages to get home, (my right ankle really hurt which later I was told that I had twisted it), I suddenly realised that I lost my watch. Just to double check I searched the house and confirmed that I really lost it. So I cleaned my elbow and headed out to the park again with my bike’s front light. Never in my life had I had to walk SO slowly. The bracelet of the watch must have broke so I was looking for something long. Several times I was fooled by a reflective leaves, but eventually found it in the middle of the road, bashed but still in one piece (snapped at the top of the watch). Surprisingly it was still working, but I claimed it under the accidental cover that I paid for when I bought the watch. Well the moral of the story is taking extra care when cycling in the rain. I was cycling relatively slowly but obviously not carefully enough. Although in pain, I am thankful that the accident happened when it did and not a few minutes before or after, otherwise I’ll probably be dead or dying in a hospital bed. God teaches us mysteriously and always in the right timing.

Grace

2006-07-21T23:03:00.000+01:00

At first I didn't want to post anything here about my results. But if you are visiting this site and read this, you probably know me well enough to find out directly from me, or you are some someone who just bumped into this site and with no idea about who I am. But none the less you can benefit from hearing about God's grace and some of my thoughts on my results, though I doubt the latter will be as rewarding. I’m not looking for sympathy. This post is purely food for thought. It’s now been about 6 hours since I got my results. I remembered staring at the screen on the wrong page (the results came out in a different section) agonising over my fail on the OSCEs (the practical exam). B.J. was on the phone to me at the time. I cant remember much of the conversation, just remembered that he passed all his exams (which I am happy about). Then re-reading the email that faculty sent out, we realised that the results were some where else. The next few moments were the slowest moments of my life. Never had I been more scared of receiving my results. As the page slowly loaded on the screen I saw that I had also failed Paper 3 (Key Clinical Features). The fails stood out SO much more than did the passes. After 19 years of life and sitting so many exams do I know of the feeling of a failure. As with most things you really have to go through it to know the feeling. The truth is always hard to take, even after spending the past few weeks praying that if I’d failed that I have to humility to accept failure and be joyous at the ones that I had passed. I was at a friend’s house at the time and soon headed back home. Seeing that it would be pointless to spend the rest of the night feeling as like a total failure, I decided to pray and read the Bible for a while. After randomly flipping through the Bible for a while, God showed me Proverbs 3. The verses that jumped out the most were 5-6:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

and verses 11-12:

My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

I have to trust that God knows best and will always give the best to his children. Even though he disciplines us, he disciplines out of love. Lets hope that I will learn my lesson this time round and study harder for my exams and more importantly through the year. But even the Lord is gentle in his disciplining. By His grace and purely by His grace, I didn’t fail all 5 of my exams. Even if I might think that its hard to revise for the two papers at least I wont have to study all of PBL again this summer.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. -James 4:10

Find Me In The River

2006-07-16T00:00:00.000+01:00

Find me in the river Find me on my knees I've walked against the water Now I'm waiting if you please We've longed to see the roses But never felt the thorns And bought our pretty crowns But never paid the price Find me in the river Find me there Find me on my knees with my soul laid bare Even though you're gone and I'm cracked and dry Find me in the river, I'm waiting here Find me in the river Find me on my knees I've walked against the water Now I'm waiting if you please We didn't count on suffering We didn't count on pain But if the blessing's in the valley Then in the river I will wait

-Delirious

I just restumbled across this song again. This has got to be one of my all time delirous? favorites. Perfect reflection of times like these.......

A Free Holiday

2006-07-15T13:14:00.000+01:00

Well, I think that this summer I might actually be free. My first free holiday for the past four years!!! To think about it properly, I dont actually know if Im properly free or not yet. Asda is still yet to get back to me on the outcome of my job and I still have to wait until next Friday for the results of the exams that I sat in the past couple of weeks. Even if Im not going to be working, I could still be facing resits if I dont do well enough in these exams. Now that will be bad seeing that I haven't had to fail anything in the past. Well IF i do fail I do hope that my prayers, that I prayed before the exams even started would come true, that I would be humble enough to accept my failure and study for the resits without grumbling and complaining. On the other side of things, if I do pass all my exams then I would pretty much enjoy sweet sweet freedom. Somewhat it feels as though Im wasting away my holiday. For the past 9 holidays, I have worked extra to earn extra money. But maybe this is an answer to prayer, a prayer that I have been asking from God: that He would give me some time off to rest and break away from the cycle of study and working. Whatever its going to be, I'm surely enjoying the free time that I have now. If all goes well with my results, then I will be trying to plough through a long "to-do" list. Its a pretty long list with random things including painting a room for a friend and also watching DVDs. But rest assure, there are valid things that I have to do as well and that list is surely longer than the list that is for pure pleasure. Have a great summer!!!

Thoughts....

2006-06-17T11:29:00.000+01:00

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good....."

- Genesis 50:20

When I read this verse this morning, I was simply struck with awe. I really cant expressed the joy in my heart as I am given such a powerful reminder of the amazing wonder of God. For those who are unfamiliar with the passage, it basically is from the part of the Bible where Joseph's brothers sell him to Ishmaelite merchants who then sell him to the Egyptians (for they hated Joseph). At every step onwards God was with Joseph and he prospered through many situations and eventually became in charge of the whole of the pharaoh's household and the whole of Egypt, second to the pharaoh. Through this Joseph was able to provide for his family through the 7 years of severe famine. Through studying the book of Genesis, its been a real encouragement to see how indeed God chooses to use people, not for their own righteousness but by His grace and love. Time and time again it shows that the Lord is sovereign and nothing happens without a reason. Even things that humans do with an intention to harm, God can still use that situation for good and ultimately for His glory!!! I hope that you too will find encouragement in that verse.

"I can't cook as well as you..."

2006-06-12T02:46:00.000+01:00

I’ve been meaning for weeks to write a post on “CK’s Top Tips for Cooking as a Student” but due to time restraints and also the fact that I can’t seem to be able to think of tips in general about things. To list all the random tips would be way to long for a blog, so you would have to come to me in person or email for specifics. This post is just an attempt to convince you that you too can cook well! Yes its YOU I’m on about. Over the past two years at uni, I’ve heard multiple times of students saying that they cant cook and “you can cook so well.” Despite having a family background of cooking (parents owning a take-away), I didn’t really start cooking until I came to uni. In my opinion I don’t think that I cook that well. The most important thing about cooking is having confidence in yourself that you can cook. Everyone is able to cook. Believe me, it’s not that difficult to turn on the stove, put on a pot, add food and seasoning and cook. Not too hard right? As long as you can do that you can pretty much follow any recipe. Okay, I have to admit that it’s easier to say than do, I don’t expect anyone to be a whiz kid with the first meal that they ever cook. But as you cook more you should be able to have confidence in yourself that you are able to cook. Its not always going to turn out fantastic every time. Even the most competent amongst us have had cooking disasters. For me the list doesn’t come short: fish that is far too salty, under-sweet dessert, overcooked pasta, unseasoned food…….. and the list probably continues. But the most important thing is to learn from your mistake and remember them for future. Also one thing to note is that not all recipes are made to work. I’m not a great believer in recipes, as you cook more you will soon realise that you can adjust recipes to suit you, and when you cook even more you will soon refuse to follow any recipe and just look at the photo for inspiration. Believe me it works, sometimes I even just look through iStock Photos for inspiration and cook from that. Well aside from that, don’t be discouraged if you followed a recipe step by step and it didn’t work. Take note of the result and adjust the recipe the next time you cook it according to the end result, i.e. if it was too soggy, then add less water or more flour etc. Even better, speak to a friend and see what they can suggest. Learn to master a few basics, like a good tomato base for bolognaise or chilli. Not only will it save the pennies (by not buying prepared sauces) but once you learn to master the basics you are then able to reinvent recipes and spot for potential disasters when cooking new recipes. Cooking good basic food is better than cooking crap adventurous foods. Not only will it give you confidence to cook but it will be more satisfying for your guests when you invite someone for dinner. What you invest in for your kitchen is essential. Get a good frying pan, two decent sized saucepans for cooking. A sharp knife is essential. Its better to own one good knife than to own loads of cheap and nasty knifes. With a sharp knife you can cut food evenly easier. This will be beneficial to help cook food evenly but will also aid your presentation: a sure way of making food more appealing is the way it looks!!! Also try to invest in some basics seasonings. Slowly building up your cupboard will help you to save money in the long run, as you won’t have to buy ready made stuff. With seasonings you can flavour food well but also make your own marinades. Must haves are: salt and pepper, various dried herbs, common spices (cinnamon, nutmeg etc etc), sesame oil, balsamic vinegar, sugar, light soy sauce (you can get the dark one when you cook more), sunflower oil and a good olive oil. Although balsamic vinegar is expensive compared to cheap and nasty malt vinegar it has a much richer flavour and doesn’t have that terrible smell, which B.J. describes as smelling like feet. This brings me to the point of marinating. Apart from mince, I marinate all meat that I use. Even a simple salt garlic marinade for 5 mins does wonders to food. Be creative when using marinades. Add different things, if you are not sure of what you are doing initially, make the marinade separately in a bowl and taste it as you go. When you are happy with the taste gently rub it into the meat and set aside. Just note that you should never add salt to beef until you are just about to cook it. Otherwise you draw out all those lovely juices!! Sorry about the long post. The message here is that you should be creative in the kitchen and practise cooking as this will build up your confidence. Remember: if it looks good it probably tastes good too!! Happy cooking…..

Shop-Lifter??!!!

2006-06-05T21:46:00.000+01:00

Well, sorry for neglecting this site for the past few months. I was planning on posting something about cooking tips for the average student, but that’s been delayed for the time being seeing that Ive got exams soon. Here’s some random random info for you. I was in Tescos today and looking to buy some food before PBL. The whole time that I was there the security guard had a constant eye on me and pretty much stalked me through the store. All I concluded was that wearing shorts, t-shirt, an open shirt on top of that and flip-flops and a backpack meant that I looked like an obvious shop-lifter!!! :S

Omnipotent Care

2006-03-14T00:56:00.000Z

This weekend was the Weekend Away for my Church. I was working so I wasnt able to go. Instead I went to Bridge Chapel. I haven't been back there since that fateful day that I heard the Gospel (fateful used in the positive way). My experiance of the service was quite different this time. Bill Bygroves preached on Esther Chapter 6. I love the way that he preaches with so much passion in him and that wasnt just because the volume on the speakers were loud! Though the lessons that were covered from the talk weren't brand new life changing news it was a powerful reminder from God. A very much needed one. By the end of the talk, I had tears pooling in my eyes. The notes from the talk are (dont worry I'm just putting up the sub-titles, I take notes like crazy and usually have pages for one talk):

God's timing is perfect
God's promise is sure
God's enemy is doomed.

Through the hectic-ness of recent months these truths have become somewhat dulled in my mind.

How great is His love for us that even when we drift and stumble through life, God still keeps that firm grip on us that keeps us from falling away. Even when hope seems bleak and cries of prayer seem to be unheard, God doesnt forget us. Times like this reminds me of the poem:

"Footprints in the Sand"

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there were one set of footprints. This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints. So I said to the Lord, “You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?” The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, is when I carried you.” Mary Stevenson

Its the times that we are struggling the most that God is closer than we can ever imagine. That is so true. Whether it actually feels like that is another matter. As Bill said: "If we will humble ourselves to Him, He will lift us up" God cares for each one of us more than we can ever imagine and will ever know. Such is omnipotent care and love. This is a lesson I have learnt time and time again, and undoubtely would need reminding again at some point. Even though I didnt get to go on my Church's weekend away God still used it well. As said above, His timing is perfect!! This weekend I had plently of time to reflect on recent happenings, as well as spending time with a few friends. Spending time with friends is something I havent been able to do in months. Since this year started I don't remember properly socialising with anyone. I suppose the CMF weekend away was kind of. I think I only realize this when I cant seem to be able to pray for my friends properly. When prayer for them becomes a standard prayer and stuff that we all know is happening. I can only thank God that He is provided to me patient and understanding friends. Oh and also, I've been trying to revamp my site so be patient as the site is going through some major changes and sometimes might look pretty horrific lol.

2006-03-12T09:57:00.000Z

grey dot

Intolerance

2006-03-10T06:03:00.000Z

Intolerant adj (often intolerant of something) refusing or unwilling to accept ideas, beliefs, behavior, etc different from one's own.

Referenced from Chambers

I got accused of being intolerant this week. Hence not being fully sure it was the correct use of the word I looked it up this morning. And surely enough it was the correct use of the word. This is what happened..... We were waiting for a friend to use the toilet at the end of the day at hospital. Then my friend asked what I was doing that evening. As you would, I told him that I was going to CU. Then he was asking why we needed a separate student CMF when there was already CU. As I was trying to explain to him I mentioned something about death and dying. I seriously cant remember anything that was being said before (pretty good job I think because I think my justification for student CMF was pretty crap). So the conversation went on to me explaining the Gospel to my friend. He was pretty annoyed at me for saying that no one was good enough for God, no matter what we did in this life. He was saying that I was being intolerant by saying that no one could have eternal life and face judgment unless they trusted in Jesus. He said that Christians are meant to be the most tolerant of all faiths and religions yet what I said was the most intolerant thing he had ever heard. The conversation ended when we left the locker room. I was asking "God, why did you let the conversation end so soon? Why is it that everytime I talk to medics about you that the conversation ends quickly before I can justify and answer back every accusation?" Then thinking about it I realized that I had probably said all I needed to say. For that conversation, the Gospel was presented, several times, lol. All I need to trust is that God will work through that. The reason why my conversations are ended so soon, and never when I run out of things to say is that we are usually walking from place to place or waiting for people to come. The very fact that I don't socialize with my medic friends means I don't get all day to talk to them. But saying this I don't think that trying to talk about God when someone is drunk is exactly helpful either. This brings me to a completely different point. I think that all Christians should be tolerant. Not tolerant to the ideas and beliefs of other people, otherwise we are saying that we don't all need Jesus for our forgiveness. But tolerant to all people as a whole. This is especially important for medics. It saddens me when people in Christian leadership are not tolerant to Christians. How can one be tolerant to non-Christians if one is not tolerant to ones brothers and sisters in Christ? 1 Timothy 4:12 states that we should set an example to other believers.

Let the following verses of Psalm 139 be a prayer for all Christian leaders:

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Psalm 139:23-24

Student CMF

2006-03-07T00:00:00.000Z

After a few weeks of reading, planning and prayer, last Saturday saw the first meeting of Student CMF. One thing I learnt is that trying to balance ministry with medicine is a lot harder when you actually hold a position of responsibility/leadership. But even in my weaknesses in preparation God blessed us with a great meeting. Abi, who is the co-CMF student rep with me gave a fantastic talk on the various methods of contraception available including the Billings method. I'm not going to explain about this one, if your interested in how mucus could be used as a form of natural contraception, go ahead and read about it. The rest of her talk was what the Bible had to say about when life begins, and what contraceptives were pro-life depending on what definition of the start of life you have. As scripture leaves no definite answer to that, its up to us as Christians to pray and meditate over scripture to discern God's will for us in our lives. I still am yet to have find any answers or make any decisions, but the talk was helpful to prompt thought. Which is in the end of the day one of the aims of Student CMF. A lot of the issues that we face as Christian medics would be resolved in a more God-honoring if we make our decisions now and stick to them, when the pressure is less, than when we face them in clinical practice, in which case our decisions may be the one that is easiest. As I have mentioned already, God really did bless us on Saturday. 15 of us attended. It was a great number for a first meeting. Though there are more Christian medics out there!! Catriona kindly reminded me that it is often easy to judge the success of a meeting by the numbers attended rather than spiritual fruit achieved during the meeting. This is definitely true. But it doesn't give me an excuse to stop widening the publicity of the meetings. Even so, 15 was a great attendance and I think most, if not all of us left the meeting challenged. I personally enjoyed the meeting and the fellowship was great. We had plenty of food and drink to go around for dinner. Praise God that He provided more than we needed. Apparently the food was good, but were people being polite....hahaha. One think that I only realized on Saturday night was how amazing it was that God had brought me and Abi to lead CMF together (and also the rest of the other year reps). Abi definitely has the gift in teaching, whilst for me my gifts lie in hospitality and organization. I would be able to handle organizing the meetings, but ask me to give a talk, I'd probably shy away faster than you could imagine. Any meeting that I handle will definitely be a discussion but I know that if God wants me to do something, He will definitely prepare me to do the task. I am pretty excited at where God will lead us (as a group and each of us personally). Things do look pretty exciting indeed! As a random off-topic, recently we faced a lot of snow here in Liverpool. Looking at other peoples blogs, it seems like a welcomed thing. But to be honest, I have never resented the snow more than I have this year compared to the rest of my life! Its cold, its slippery and its wet. Its really horrible to have to tread through it to get to hospital, to be late due to the traffic jams. Worse of all treading to Asda to get to work last Saturday was the worse. So much for British weather! Its meant to be Spring now......enough with moaning!!!

Transition

2006-03-06T02:00:00.000Z

With less than a month to my birthday, I begin to have regrets that I haven't really "lived" in my teens. In a 28 days time I will turn 20. Shockingly moving through the realms of teenagehood to adulthood. Reflecting on thoughts on Daniel's site on not wanting to grow up, "Finding Neverland" I said that I was happy with my rapid stage of growing up and not choosing life another way even if I could (look downwards on the page to find my comments). In a way I dont think I'm ready to face the truly being an "adult", as being still in my teens sometimes feels as though I have a passport to be immature and cheeky. Also with the excuse of "I'm still young, so I don't have to look after myself." I know this isn't really an excuse at all but it gives me reason to stay up late, sleep for way less than I should and be pretty unhealthy in diet and exercise. But sometimes I feel as though I've already gone pass the teenage years. Recently at work I discovered that I was the youngest on the department, but a lot of the others thought that I was way older than I was. The avervage opinion was 22. I suppose that is better than some "mental age" test that I did last year that thought that I was 35. But getting back to the point, a lot of the time I do feel as though Ive made it through the teenage/adult line already, to officially loose a "-teen" at the end of my age seems to make me feel OLD. In the past growing older year by year didn't bother me at all. But now I need to be responsible, especially with my own health and not be the hypocritical medic. Eating healthily, exercising and sleeping enough will definately be a challenge when I lack time. But saying that I wont need to sleep as much as an adult!! HAHAHA. When I look back at the past 19.9 years of my life and think what have I achieved? I'd probably say not much. What memories do I have? Not much...too much that I'd rather forget. Instead my life is filled with mistakes, errors, pain and fustration. What is the use of winning almost 20 awards at school, achieving straight A's, holding positions of leadership and striving for the best, when no matter how much I try I fail to earn favour in my parents eyes. I know that all they see in me is failure, untrustworthiness and rebellion. This is one birthday is really don't want to celebrate. Its not like I will miss not celebrating it anyway. Last year was the first birthday I celebrated. Even so, I spent most of it feel depressed. Not that I don't appreciate my friends coming to it and I think most of them enjoyed hanging out. But as much as a people pleaser I might be I really don't think I can handle going through a birthday party, even if I do it for my friends to have a good time. There are somethings in life that the first time is also a last time. I suppose that birthday parties are just one of those things for me then.

Special Study Modules [SSM]

2006-03-05T22:45:00.000Z

Someone at Church today said to me how a first year was complaining at them how much work the SSMs were, but when they were over and regular PBL [Problem Based Learning] and everything else kicked back in they they realised how much of hard work were lectures etc. But this year I have really learn the great blessings SSMs are. After 6 modules of PBL in my first semester things were getting rather delusional. The SSMs were a welcomed "break". In comparision to the rest of the term it was truly a break. Don't get me wrong, we still had to research, read, write etc. But gone were the early mornings of journeys to hospital and longs days etc for fours whole weeks. Even so, I had plenty to do. The first week was nothing-ness apart from mission planning for the CU's Mission Week: "Freedom" There were plently of other issues that were going on in my life at the time as well. But once again, I've reached the same point that I was at a few months back. PBL and hospital seem to be too much to handle with everything else that is going on in my life at the moment....but theres only one more week of it!! One more week of regular medicine and us second year medics have our second SSMs for this year. What a relief!

Slow Down To Hear God

2006-02-17T14:33:00.000Z

Sorry I said that I won’t post till Easter but God has been good and I really need to share this with my readers. Hope that you will find encouragement in reading this. Apologies for the length of this post but it is LONG!! Please make a nice drink and read it your own leisure. Well, CMF (Christian Medical Fellowship) National Student Conference was last weekend. With much persuasion from Peter, Jo and BJ, I rather reluctantly went. Well I had a very busy week in the weeks running up to CU mission week but praise God that He knew how much pushing I needed!!! Even when we were getting there I found the journey extremely tense and stressful especially when all the road signs were posted up with Bolton for most of the initial journey. And when we got there pretty much everyone had the “Fresher’s Week Syndrome”…..extremely extroverted and friendly. I was already drained from mission prep, OSCE prep and PBL and the evening was very tiring. Even so by God’s grace I was able to focus on the talk and learn a lot from it. I have to say that I have NO regrets at going. The weekend brought many blessings to my and set me new challenges. God used the weekend powerfully and we all saw many blessings. The weekend served as a perfect opportunity to allow me to set aside the stress of uni and life, and this gave me a proper time to rest; and most importantly to spend time with God, just to rest in His presence and properly listen to Him. Even if the weekend didn't do any thing else, God had made it clear to me that medicine was the path that He had chosen and put me in. It was reassuring to know this as this was one of the many things that lead to later decisions. But I got more than that from this weekend. No words can describe the wonders that God did over the weekend (there is loads that I have missed out in this post). I'm not just talking from the ecstatic high that weekend aways can bring but it was clearly from the work of the Holy Spirit in people. The first seminar that I went to was called "making choices", looking at balancing medicine, ministry, family and life. Well the seminar was what is said it was but God used it in a COMPLETELY different way! Part of the seminar involved us looking at scenarios in groups of four. So I picked one for my group and went for the middle one. The guy said "ooh the middle choice is always a dangerous one to go for...." Well I read the scenario to my group, and it went like this...... "Mia is a Malay-Chinese girl. Her parents have made considerable sacrifices to let her come to the UK to study medicine. Mia became a Christian shortly after arriving in the UK. Her parents are displeased at her new found faith. What would you say to Mia?" I was like "oh my gosh, this is me!" the three other girls in my group kinda stared at me. Well it was close enough apart from the fact that I was already in the UK and that my parents weren't supporting me at uni. We went on to discuss the scenario. I decided not to talk much as I would be like "do this and that" as I was familiar with the situation. But the responses were pretty much what I’d done. When we went through all the scenarios together, one of the leaders asked "how could Mia still honour her parents even though their views so are different?" No one could really answer the question. The guy pointed out that parents like it when their kids still come back to seek their wisdom and advise. He said to make it clear that their views would differ and there is no guarantee that you would go for their advice but you really wanted to hear what they had to say. I was so challenged by it and it was something that I had never thought of before. This is simply too much to be a coincidence. God knew what He wanted to tell me and He did. It was an answer to a prayer that I’ve not even prayed. Afterwards, I spoke to the wife, who was co-leading the seminar. She said that after praying for her parents for 30 years that her dad recently became a Christian and her mother was close. I was like “WOW! Praise God!!” We talked for a while and we prayed together. It was so encouraging!! This wasn’t the only thing that happened over the weekend, God was really good to me and my friends. It’s somewhat sad that we need to have a weekend away to put our focus on God and to properly listen out for God. But God is patient with us. Even though we think that God isn’t guiding us, He is and all it takes is for us to slow down and hear His voice. Just one more thing to include…..over the weekend God really gave us a heart to set up Student CMF in Liverpool. Its going to be a great opportunity for us to support and encourage each other as Christian medics and to learn to apply our faith our work! I’m really looking forward to see how exactly God will use Student CMF, for all I know so far is that it will be good. :) If you are a medic in Liverpool and would like to know more leave a comment. Before this turns too much of medic-talk I shall stop here.

Blogging On Hold

2006-01-07T12:38:00.000Z

For the past few days I've been pretty ill and despite having loads of work to do, I really didn't realise it until just a couple of hours ago when my mind cleared up of all the random stuff that I was taking. I've realised that I slacked way too much in the past term and need to work a lot harder to pass my exams :S So to remove the distractions that are in my life, I'm starting with my blog. My blog is going to be put on hold until the Easter holidays. Wow thats going to be a long time without blogging! So, for those of you that don't use RSS then theres not much point in coming back to my site for another 3-4 months. Bye bye everyone....over and out!

A Week Filled With Blessings

2005-12-25T00:25:00.000Z

Well its been a week full of blessing! The week started pretty depressing with the thought of having to spend most of it in Asda working. Working in any supermarket over a Christmas period is horrible and simply horrible. Customers and their complaints etc etc etc. But working on the photo center this year was actually pretty good in comparison to the previous years that I spent in the bakery. Yeah there were still rude and grouchy customers and there were complaints but then there was also the other side where there were so many customers buying digital cameras. Seeking advice to buy the perfect present for their loved ones. Seeing the happiness on their faces when they find the right camera is nice. Reminds me of when I was trying to get presents for people as well. Although work hasn’t been bad its been tough due to the busyness. It’s constantly running around from one customer to another for some pretty long hours. This Christmas eve I was in the whole day that the store was open from 8am-6pm. It was craaazy!!! Customers came in waves and everything was selling out…fast!! I was so tired that as soon as I got back I pretty much just fell asleep at my desk. God has really blessed me this week. One of my colleagues bought me lunch the other day. Another bought me some chocolate before she went back home when I was working to midnight alone. Then when a colleague found out that I wasn’t going to be going home for Christmas her and her sister who also worked on my department brought in a hamper full of food today. I was really touched by their thought and kindness. As I look towards my wall now I see so many Christmas cards that I got from my friends and colleagues, many of them filled with loving words. It’s definitely been harder to spend a second Christmas away from home but God has definitely provided for me. It’s been encouraging that people do care for me and to have so many invitations from people to spend Christmas with them. Even so it’s been tempting to spend Christmas on my own this year, and not go to anyone’s home. To think that when I am having fun celebrating Christmas when my parents are at home probably feeling rather angry and sad that I am a Christian and completely messing up the family life. After a long debate with myself, well if I debated with anyone else they would have almost definitely have said to spend it with someone, I decided to spend it with Gemma’s family. I would have got a lot of work done if I didn’t go to anyone’s house but I trust that it wouldn’t be what God would have wanted me to do, especially after He has shown me that so many people actually cared to have me round at theirs. Last Christmas I had a wonderful time at the Morris’ family house. I got to spend my first Christmas and also my first Christmas understanding the true meaning of Christmas. Many thanks to Lydia’s parents for such a privilege. It’s a shame that I’m working this Christmas otherwise I would have loved to join them again for Christmas. Anyways its now Christmas Day. So Merry Christmas and a have a Happy New Year. I shall try to do some work before falling asleep…that’s mission work and not uni work so don’t try to tell me off…..ahahahaha. See you all around soon.

Merry Christmas

2005-12-20T18:35:00.000Z

Merry Christmas everybody! Amid all the fun and celebration let us not forget the true meaning of Christmas, the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ the saviour of the world. Have a great Christmas and New Year. Hope that you all have a nice holiday :)

The Holidays are Here

2005-12-20T17:34:00.000Z

Today is my fourth day of my Christmas/Winter Break. I've got loads of things that I need to sort out and time is running out! We only get 2 weeks off. Today was the second and last day that I'm going to be free this week as I'm working at Asda for the rest of the week. So here I am sat in the library......again. I was here just a few days ago. The days that were spent in here slaving over my essay. This SSM was indeed more interesting than the last one that I did. Yet this one was so much worse. I seemed to have more things on hand that I needed to do and together with that the "end-of-term" depression and the "ugh, the holidays are here again" feeling. All this mixed into an emotional rollercoster and workaholic effect. I really don't like the holidays much, I have never liked holidays. So much would I endure the crazily busy terms than to have these breaks. Yeah the free time is great and the ability to plan your day for yourself thing is also great but theres so much I don't like about them. This one by far is the most stressful and daunting of them all. Here I sit again trying to sort out so many things in my life and mission stuff. Well, its better to get some of it sorted now than to struggle with the designing once the term starts. Theres a limit to the amount that I can actually finish this holiday as I wont be able to start most of it until I get more information from the rest of the team. Yet I think I have enough to last me all of this break. I am even tempted to use Christmas day to finish off some of the stuff rather than hanging out with people. Sad, I know, but I doubt that it would really happen. Rob Brewis was speaking at Church last Sunday. The defining line that I remember is ....open your ears and hear God say "My dear child, I love you"... As I sit here I do hear God say to me: "My beloved child, know that I love you and I will never fail to provide for you." I know that with God, the impossible will be possible, no matter how impossible things seem when we look at it in our human perspective. Dearest Father, Thank you for calling me your beloved. Thank you for choosing to save me. Thank you that I can trust You for your provisions in all areas of my life. May I live each day to reflect your glory. In your gracious name, Jesus, amen.

How Great Is Our God!!!

2005-12-15T00:19:00.000Z

The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty Let all the earth rejoice All the earth rejoice He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide And trembles at His voice Trembles at His voice How great is our God, sing with me How great is our God, and all will see How great, how great is our God Age to age He stands And time is in His hands Beginning and the end Beginning and the end The Godhead Three in One Father Spirit Son The Lion and the Lamb The Lion and the Lamb Name above all names Worthy of all praise My heart will sing How great is our God How great is our God, sing with me How great is our God, and all will see How great, how great is our God -Chris Tomlin-

When the song list cycles back to this song, I can't help but take a moment to stop and think about how great God has been to me. Its been a topic that I have come back to again, when I think back to how God has so carefully planned out my life. I don't know whats coming up next but from what God has already done for me I know that I can wait for His plan to be revealed. The other night I was trying to post up how God has brought met to Liverpool but I couldn't really describe it well enough even to partly reflect the truth. Might try it some time soon...so watch this space!! Despite all the stress and the hecticness of these SSMs, I have to say that God has kept me going. Its amazing how God has used different people to encourage me as I plough through these SSMs. From comments left on my site to MSN conversations, different people have encouraged me. The most heart-felt ones are those that are from people that I don't even know that well or from those that I haven't known for that long. Its really encouraging to know that you are being prayed for. Thank you to all those that are praying for me :) Theres 38 hours of SSM left before its all over. Time to study again and make the most of it. I will be praying for all my fellow SSMers ;)

This is a picture that I bought off iStockphoto. I thought that I would get a photo to reflect the next few hours. B-)

===============

Update 16/12/05 3am Its the final 13 hours before the time that our SSMs are due in. I'm trying to learn how to critically appraise the papers that I used...something that I really should have been using all throughout. B.J. has noted that my sentences on MSN are beggining to make less sense. My typing has gone REALLY slow to avoid spelling errors. Well its the result of sleep deprivaty in the sleep deprived. The past 96 hours I've slept 10 hours. 6 hours on the first night, 3 the next then 1. Such is what happens when I'm not planning my time well.

Psalm 27

2005-12-12T23:21:00.000Z

The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD. Hear my voice when I call, O LORD; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, LORD, I will seek. Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior. Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. Teach me your way, O LORD; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing out violence. I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

-Psalm 27

End of Term

2005-12-12T00:35:00.000Z

It has reached the final week of the SSMs. To be perfectly honest I really hate SSMs. The fact that they are so subjective in marking. But yet again I can't complain, I know that my writing style isn't that great. Hopefully aiming for a merit again. Its the fustration of not being able to spend that much time with people before they go home. Christmas is around the corner. And my SSM is due in on the last day of term! I'm not looking forward to the prospect of going back to work during the holidays either. The customers, the boredom of doing the same stuff over and over again. *sigh* All I really want is a day off with nothing much to do but to spend time with people. But nope...I have to catch up on my uni work :o( OK it really doesnt help when people complain that I don't spend enough time with them, because I have realised that already!!!! Man, I think its the end of term, pre-holiday depression period again. Just want to hide and disapear and cry. *sigh* Man I do need to get this attitude sorted! God is good and He will get me through this.

Houseparty 2005!

2005-11-28T00:51:00.000Z

This weekend was the Christian Union Houseparty for this year. Although I looked forward to it so much more this year than last year I was a lot more stressed out in run up this time round. I had a lot of work that I had to do for my SSM and also a lot of work that I had to do for mission week. Several factors were responsible but at the end of the day all it all came down to my fault and the lack of self-discipline to start and finish my work at an earlier opportunity. By the end of the week I had done no SSM work yet and just barely finished off the stuff that I needed to finish off for houseparty just hours before we had to set off to Wales. I wouldn’t say that I actually learnt much at houseparty this year. I remember last year growing so much with my relationship with God and finally grasping an idea of his infinite and unconditional love for us. This year’s teaching and seminar that I went to was mainly a reminder about things that God had been teaching me over the past few months. But despite this initial “disappointment” I soon saw why God intended it that way. Stepping back with my work and responsibilities really allowed a lot of issues that were just lurking about to surface and be properly dealt with. This weekend was a really really horrible weekend for me but in hindsight I’m totally grateful for it. Right from now on this post is going to be extremely cryptic to protect the interests on certain individuals and myself. You might not understand it, for some of you I wished you could but rather you didn’t. Well it is written to someone in mind and that person only. So don’t ask!!!!! I realised that the cryptic part isn't suitable for my blog. I have withdrawn it after careful thought and prayer. Sorry for any misunderstandings that I might have caused. Now back to the normal post. Well apart from the major happenings this weekend and the fact that I had a bad time I was encouraged at the end when someone from my small groups for houseparty said to me that he found it encouraging and inspiring that I was still focused on God at the end of the weekend while it was easy to be caught up in the fun and mess about. Well all I can say is that it was all due to God, Him working in me and the situation at the time. If you were going through what I was you’ll probably be the same. I was grateful to get the oppotunity to really get to know some people and really develop some good frienships. In summary this weekend’s experiences have been overwhelming, not in terms of the teaching which was great but actually in terms of what God has personally taught me. Thank you God.

Haircut

2005-11-24T12:29:00.000Z

On Monday night I had my hair cut by Nghia. The conversation was like this: N: So C.K. what would you like me to do with your hair? CK: Errrm, dunno, do whatever you like. N: Well you have to tell me something!!! CK: Really I dont care. I have four weeks for my SSM so I really don't care what my hair looks like N: Oh OK then I'll just have to cut you the standard look then :P CK: Well as long as I dont end up looking like B.J. I really don't care. N: OK then, I'll cut a #2 on the sides and we can take it from there. CK: Right. Well then half way through the haircut, I decided to have patterns cut into my hair. Which of course I had no idea what I wanted so Nghia cut whatever he wanted into my hair. As it was at the back and right side of my head, I had no idea what it looked like until Tuesday night when we took a photo of my hair. All I can say is good job Nghia. I've already got the complements from people ;) Hahahaha

Tagged!!!

2005-11-22T10:55:00.000Z

"Arrghhh.....I've been tagged!" Was the reaction of B.J. when I was speaking to him over Skype, and he discovered that Nghia had tagged him. And that was exactly how I felt when Nicola tagged me!!! Sorry Nicola, nothing your fault just that I have to find 5 weird habits of myself....: Well so before we start these are the rules: Ground Rules: The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "5 weird habits of yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a blog entry about their 5 queer habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their blogs. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "You are tagged" in their blog and tell them to read yours. Here we go, maybe after this you will never look at me the same again!: C.K.'s Weird Habit #1 Perfectionism I strive for perfectionism. I don't even know why I do it because I know that no-one is/can be perfect apart from God Himself! Whenever I'm doing something or making something, I try to make it perfect. I think the worse of things is when I'm trying to cook or bake. Like the time that I stayed up for 7 hours to bake a cake for B.J.'s birthday. I only spent 3 hours on baking the cake but I spent another 4 hours on icing the cake! Why did it take so long?! one would ask! Well the answer it that I iced and re-iced the cake 3 times because I kept on getting cake crumbs in the icing! Then I would try to make the top and sides perfectly smooth. Well it a good thing that I'm mostly nocturnal then and that I can work through the night and still wake up early the next day. Or the times that I spent ages trying to season some food because it just didn’t taste quite right. Or the time that I spent hours and hours on the internet trying to search for designs for wedding cakes (well I was allowed to make the cake into any design I wanted!) and then loads more hours on how to bake them. Well I think it all paid off and now I can bake wedding cakes :) If any of my friends are getting married then I'm more than happy to bake you a cake, so long as you know what you want! C.K.’s Weird Habit #2 Laziness Well I can be extremely lazy indeed but the worse part of my laziness comes down to me not being bothered to cook properly when I’m by myself. If I’m only feeding myself then I will cook instant noodles to eat. I know its bad for me bla-di-bla-di-bla. But its just WAY too much effort to cook. Well I need to marinate the meat, prepare all the vegetables etc, cook, then wash up all the pots, utensils, dishes and so on. Well this is how I got away with it last year and this year. When I wanted to cook properly I would invite my friends round for dinner. That way I could cook and people could enjoy the dinner, or so I hope! C.K.’s Weird Habit #3 Strange Laugh Apparently according to all my friends here at university, I have an extremely loud and distinctive laugh. I have no idea why its so weird but it is. People have turned round when they heard my laugh to realise that I was walking behind them, or have known that I was in a different classroom! I’m not kidding! Earlier this year my friends in the classrooms on the opposite adjacent side of the corridor said that they could hear me laugh in my PBL/tutorial. Strange….no kidding! I wish sometimes that I could just hear it for myself! But its beyond my control and its not purposeful. It’s the way God made me so why should I change?! C.K.’s Weird Habit #4 A World Of My Own Well when I’m walking down the road and I’m by myself I tend to be deep in thought. I mean REALLY deep in thought!! To the point that I’m quite oblivious of the people around me. I’m still aware of my surroundings, but just not aware of people, like I know that people walk pass me but I don’t know who’s walked pass me. Its like being really aware without being aware. People I know will walk pass and say hi and I wont realise until I walk right pass them. Once B.J. said “did you not realise that those girls were checking you out”, and the answer was no, I saw the girls but had no idea that they were looking at me. Well there’s so much going on im my head already! On the issue of deep thoughts another weird thing about me is that most of my useful and important thoughts are found out/realised in the shower!!! Enough said C.K.’s Weird Habit #5 Flexible Personalities & Characters I have extremely flexible personalities and characters that I can adjust consciously and sub-consciously to suit the group I’m with. This is both a good and bad thing. In a positive way it allows me to get along with pretty much everyone. It also means that I can quickly identify things that interest people and can hold a decent conversation with them. If someone is passionate about something, I can be if I can think along the same lines as them. Well you are thinking what can be the bad things then? Well the truth is that not many people will know my true personality/character, people often think that I’m extremely extroverted when actually I’m quite introverted and shy. Well maybe not shy! But the real problem is when I’m amongst non-Christians. I can easily find myself following the crowd and getting into a similar mentality. Especially in hospital when your group is lazy, I find myself getting lazy as well. Well I’m getting a lot better at it now and can pretty much firmly remain Godly and live out my life the way Christ has changed me. Well thanks for reading. Now I can tag people….. I tag Brad, Hannah, Hui Yen, Rachel and Ryan (wow that was hard so many people tagged people already!!)

Adapting

2005-10-28T10:24:00.000+01:00

Looking out of the bus window the other day, I was just thinking on how much change there has been in my life in the two years. “University is a place where people realise that they can be themselves” is a quote from one of my friends. In a way, he was right, university is a great place to be and most people do realise that they can actually be themselves. Personally reflecting on that, many months later I have come to realise that that isn’t quite how the experience of university in my first year has been. Throughout the many months I have been consciously and sub-consciously seeking to adapt to the crowd. Just thinking back, I come to realise that I haven’t really been exposed to much as a child or even whilst I was at college having had a rather protective childhood. I’m not blaming my parents in any way at all. In a way it has been beneficial and because of it I’ve been able to mature incredibly fast without the external influences, well not too much of it. Whilst that wasn’t a bad thing in itself I think that last year I had a struggle with trying to fit in with people and with change. In a way it’s like my whole childhood growth and experimenting compacted into a few months. There are almost unlimited examples that I can list, some include: style and image, music genres, friendships (and how they work), interests, hobbies and the list can go on. I’m not one to be easily influenced yet I think I have slowly been adapting in a more rounded person and not just someone who is constant and solely striving to the top. So I guess I can say that university for some people maybe a place that they can be themselves, but more personally I think that personally I think that university is where I have seen my deepest desire fulfilled. I think when I do become a parent; it’s probably not too good an idea for me to really keep that tight a hold onto my kids. Loosen their reigns a bit and I think that they will benefit from it. God has been good to me and He’s really blessed me with good friends to shape me well. I’m not the perfect person, and will never reach perfection while I’m here on earth but slowly I am being shaped into the person that God intends me to be. My intention for this post wasn’t to slag of my parents at all. I have a deep respect for them and I’m truly grateful for the work that they have put into make me the person I am, I love the maturity that I have but as we all know that I do have my childish moments especially amongst my closer friends (like me and BJ having a friendly banter/fight last night, to be honest I don’t think that I ever fought with my brother). I think my intention is to remind us that maybe the friend that you think might not be the nicest person that exist or there’s simply something that you don’t really like about that person, don’t just write them off but maybe its your responsibility to keep going to show to them a good influence, neither am I saying that that is everyone’s role to everyone that they meet, you know where you stand. Its kind of confusing but you know what I mean…or maybe not.

Our God is an AWESOME God

2005-10-10T23:43:00.000+01:00

Sorry for the total lack of posting for the past few weeks. I just checked and its been over a month since my last post!! Well so much has happened in the past month its unbelievable! God has really been pouring out his blessings in Liverpool. There are so many Christian freshers and all so gifted. The freshers events at organised by the CU were really good and it was encouraging to see so many freshers turn up for them, both Christians and non-Christians. 2nd year is so much more busier than last year! I'm so stuck for time and for the past few weeks my studies have been lagging behind, and with me freaking out every morning! But my good friend BJ has decided to help me out by meeting up to study together. OK...I dont know what to write now. I really can go on and on about the various things that have happened but I don't really have the time to do so. Sorry guys. See you all around!

Study - Work - Life Balance

2005-09-07T15:46:00.000+01:00

At CMF on Monday, we are discussing on the topic of ambition and the Christian persective of pursuing a career and how far we should take it. For us as students, I guess it a matter of how much we get involved into uni life and the CU. It is so easy for us to think that we are serving God by getting really involved into things but often with the cost of neglecting our studies, the very task that God has brought us to uni to do. I was having my quiet time this morning and was really looking into my motives to doing what I do. I was getting rather stuck with the fact that I suddenly realised that I has agreed to do way too much and I only had one evening that I was free to study and even that evening I might have to work to fulfill the criteria required for my job at Asda. After lots of prayer I think that I have decided to give up cooking for Christianity Explored as there are loads of people in the CU who are gifted to cook. Another thing that I wasn't sure on was being a tutor to a fresher this year. The whole idea was really good especially if you got good tutors or were lucky to have good tutors who were willing to adopt you. I was truly blessed last year to get "adopted" by so many medics in the CU and they really helped me out a lot for revision. Thinking about the time involved I wasnt sure if I was willing to commit myself to it after finding out that we could opt out of the system. Speaking to a few friends and God, I came to the conclusion that I should as it would give me the oppotunity to build a new relationship with some one/people and assist them this year. Initially, I had the idea of getting Christian freshers to save them from the horrors of severe boozing during the Tutor-Tutee party but that door seemed to have closed. I kmow someone who is coming to Liverpool from my school and also an international fresher from Malaysia. Both aren't Christians but maybe this is the oppotunity to build up a good friendship with them and to invite them to CU mission events. Today, we got an email asking for volunteers for the nursing OSCE. As B.J. put it Every Guy's Dream ..... But not for geeks like me. The £30 sounded good but I have letures to attend. So for I feel that I have already put in so much time into paid work that I am risking my studies. I'm passing on the offer for that reason and also the second reason is already stated by B.J.: Unfortunately for scrawny geeks such as myself, not only do we lack the physique to impress, but we also have lectures to attend on that day. Oh well....

Work In Progress

2005-09-06T14:35:00.000+01:00

I've decided to change the name of my blog to this now. I got the idea from the Linkin Park. Well it really makes sense because we are all work in progress. Plus the fact that it gave me an oppotunity to prcrasinate.

Waiting To Burst

2005-09-02T10:02:00.000+01:00

It feels as though its a giant glass vase. Except it also feels like its being broken into. The attacks come from all over: knocks, kicks, hits. The walls are straining and stressmarks are forming. Its getting thinner. Its getting fragile. Worse still is the vase is being filled more and more, not with water but mercury. The weight from inside is also eroding away the strength of the glass. Its a bubble waiting to burst and fall apart. Its a walking disaster. Help God, help.....

A New Term, A New Start

2005-08-30T22:52:00.000+01:00

Today was the start of my term for my second year of medical school. To be honest I dont think that I even qualify to be a first year either. If I was to apply to medicine today it would be unlikely for me to get in. As I was walking to uni this morning, my mind was wandering over the thought of what if they decided to remark my paper and failed me. It wasn't until I got my personalised timetable and study pack in black and white that I actually trusted myself to be in the second year. Sometimes over important things I just can't seem to trust myself to use the internet for things. I sat in the library for a while with BJ and Ben to look over the textbooks that people have recommended to us to use. There was so much information in them that it was pretty freaky to be honest. After looking at the books themselves and reading the reviews we decided on the books that we wanted to borrow. This year I am determained to make a good start to the year and work hard. One year of total slack is more than enough. Even though I have a lot more commitments this year, I will try my best to finish and learn all my PBL and other work that I have to do, as well as continual revisiona and learning. Its going to be a challenge but with God's grace I will pull through another year. Just a few random thoughts on ways to improve my study.....you can stop reading if it bores you....I just want to keep note of the thoughts....

Less MSN (no more than 2hours a night chatting unless its a serious talk)
Wake up early
Study/Work/Have quiet times whether I actually feel like it or not
Speak to people when I need someone to talk to or help
Sleeeeeeep more.
Watch less DVDs
Spend less time randomly procrasinating
Go to all the pleneries
Study in the library
Study HARD

So ten points to improve on. Lets see how I do in a few months time. Have a nice week medics, and enjoy the rest of your holiday the rest of you :)

Thoughts of the mind

2005-07-27T13:42:00.000+01:00

To many of you the following is probably a little boring. Feel free to ignore this post. Is it possible to be lonely in a crowd or group? I think that my answer is probably yes. Is it possible that even in a large group and around people that you know pretty well and still feel like your surrounded by total strangers or even worse to feel as though you are not part of the group at all or not wanting to be. Sometimes it feels as though the whole week as been one big social time. Yet it is at these times I feel as though I wasn’t really fitting in and that everyone seemed a little bit weird….or perhaps its me. Its very easy to sink into a state in life that all your day revolves around is your work. You wake up spend a little time with God. Tidy the house and take a shower. The next thing you are doing is getting out of the house and heading to work. Its only a summer job and I only work between 35-40 hours a week but it does feel as though my whole summer is work work and work….. I wonder how it would be when I actually get a career. As the week slowly passes you begin to forget that you actually have other commitments and responsibilities. Last week I was sitting in the library on my day off to check my emails and suddenly I realised that I had totally forgotten that I had so many things that I was supposed to do over summer…..ooops. Working is fine. Slaving your summer months away is fine as well….IF work as actually enjoyable. I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy my work, I do at times. But as the work load increases and the staff structure falls apart, it gets frustrating and tiring. When you work for over 11 hours and only get to sit down for dinner for a mere 15mins; to sallow some food and not even get a chance to sit down a moment to catch your breath. The worse thing is when you get a first aid call and when you come back your department has completely fallen apart. Your mind is racing to come up with the plan to sort out the mess; customers complain that their photos are out late; the computer hangs from the sheer amount of orders that have been put through but not yet been printed because one of the orders have crashed and affected the whole system. And then you come home thinking that you can retreat to your room and have a bit of time to chill before crashing out for the night but as you walk onto the start of your road you feel that you know that your planned chilled out time is now a scrapped plan and you are now going to walk into some kind of mad house. Yep and as your house comes into view you see that the lights are on and the sound of people going mad inside can be heard from outside. Then one of your friends tell you that they had a great crazy time for the past few hours; you think to yourself, I’ve just had the crappiest day at work. Great! I know that I really should be more appreciative that I actually have a job over the summer. It is indeed that I have got this job from His abundant grace on me. Yet I can’t feel that things aren’t going well and feeling frustrated with things. There are days that I don’t feel that I even want to get up from bed. Its bad, but oh well that’s the way that I am. Sorry for boring you. I just needed a chance to type things out to think over the state of things. Bye guys.

70 emails?

2005-07-20T15:46:00.000+01:00

All I did was to not check my emails for 9 days and I over 70 emails!!! Thats useful ones (ie not counting junk mail....which you get about 5 per min!! lol) Its taken me 3 hours to read them all and I haven't even started to respond to them yet! Anyways theres loads that I need to say but I dont have the time....gotta write emails...lol

Multiple Lives and Multiple Personalities

2005-07-13T11:05:00.000+01:00

A friend challenged me about two weeks ago (yeah some things take a long time to be processed by my brain) about having multiple personalities/lives.

Ok, lets start by what I mean by this. I'm not sure what the correct terminology is for this but I will describe what I mean. I think its a very common trait of people to try to adapt to different situations by changing ourselves to make us fit into things the best way or to get by without getting noticed etc etc etc. For myself I have noticed that I have more than one distinct personality. Of which if someone from who knows me from one environment might say that I wasn't myself or was acting rather weirdly if they saw me in another environment.

Listing the different personalities/lives:

CK at home
CK on his own with no one around
CK on his own with people he doesn't know
CK with his friends
CK at communication skills sessions
CK in PBL
CK at work

Some of them are only slightly different but others are dramatically different. I have my reasons for each of them but then someone said that it wasn't healthy to have so many different characters.

I don't necessarily see the need to change and I can't really see the benefits nor do I see the disadvantage or either.

So I'm at point one where I'm not too fussed. Feel free to challenge me or present your argument/thoughts.

See you soon.

I need a haircut!

2005-07-13T10:57:00.000+01:00

I have long realised that my hair has grown way too long to be styled in any half decent style. I need a haircut rather urgently. Or the alternative would be for me not to go for one and to wait until uni starts and save up on 2 haircuts (ie one now and one before uni starts). Saving up would allow me to go to the andrew collinge graduates salon to get them to cut and style my hair. I am kind of sick of my current style (well the style before my hair got long) which was short sides and spikey top. I've had this style for about a year now and I think its time for a change! Any suggestions are welcome :)

I'm so confused!!

2005-07-12T11:58:00.000+01:00

Well a few weeks ago I was applying for jobs for the summer. I applied to Asda and also to the hospital to work there on the bank as a healthcare assistant (HCA). I got the job at Asda and I'm working there now, but then I am also now registered on the HCA bank and have a training day tommorrow, which would allow me to start after i complete the course tommorrow. I don't even know if I should go to the training tommorrow or not....hence to give up on the HCA job. I don't really need it and to be honest my job at Asda is already using up all my time and draining me completely. I don't think that I'm going to be able to keep up with both jobs at all. The other thing is it also scares me a bit to think that I'm going to be working with patients in a hospital. I dont feel as thought I'm really that suitable for the position at all. They seem to admit students without much fuss about if you are really suitable for it or not. I know that I will be in hospital for placement next year anyway hence working with patients. But being constantly supervisced and part of placement is VERY different from doing it as a paid job. I am so confused!!!

Forgotten Blessings

2005-07-12T11:26:00.000+01:00

I was speaking to Nghia on the phone the other night and discussing the situation that he had at home. It was only then that it occured to me that I was forgetting the many blessings that I have got when I'm here in Liverpool and the many things that I take for granted. People say that they take things for granted when they are at home but with me its went I'm here in Liverpool that I begin to do so.

I guess not having gone home now for such a long time does mean that I forget things. Althought its really bad on my behalf as I start to overlook the benefits that God gives to me.

I think I really need to remind myself now and then of these blessings that make my life so easy here.

I must also admit that there are many other things that God gives that I don't even notice or remember.....

Update...

2005-07-12T10:09:00.000+01:00

It’s the end of a week of madness! This week for me has pretty much just revolved around sorting and tidying up my house. To be honest I have found the past two weeks really stressful. The start of a new job that collided with the move simply didn’t help me. As the week progressed I was getting more and more fed up of the fact that the house was so dirty. I came to realise that I did really have a obsession with cleanliness. I’m a like Monica in Friends.

Thursday, my day off this week I more or less spend the whole day in my bedroom bringing it up to some kind of standard. All the hard work paid off in the evening which I was able to chill out with a few friends and my current housemates, Dave Springate and Pedro from church. The evening was mostly good. The food was actually surprisingly good especially since it was quite disastrous during the cooking process. We watched The Incredibles, which is an awesome movie!

Friday, after work we went out to the Siam Garden to have a LATE dinner with a some friends. It was 8pm when I finished work, so we booked the table for 9pm. This was instead of the graduation ball for Nghia. Gemma, Jenny, Lensa and Paul. Rachael and I were just there to enjoy their company. We came back to mine afterwards. Gemma, Jenny, Nghia and I managed to stay up until 6.30am talking. Well it was worth it as we were discussing some important topics. Actually for the whole of this week we had quite a lot of talks hence also late nights!

Saturday, went to work after just 2 hours of sleep. Well that’s better than none! At the start I was quite tired but as the day went on I became more and more awake. I managed to get off work half an hour earlier than I should have and went to Jo and Katy’s house to check my emails and ended up talking to Nghia for almost an hour on the phone!! Guys can talk for ages on the phone as well!! Hahahaha

Its weird, very weird. Despite sleeping so little, I woke up at 5am and couldn’t get back to sleep, last night I only went to bed at about midnight. So I got up to type the emails….. Spent Monday roaming Manchester to try to get Nghia a job for the summer. Most shops had already got all the staff that they needed but there were a few potential posts to fill. We had lunch and watched The Descent. Its such a horrible movie. Shockingly scary and its a terrible story line. Won’t advise anyone to see it.

Have a great day guys.

My Last Post From Prospect Point

2005-06-29T23:20:00.000+01:00

This is going to be my last transmission from Prospect Point, as I am moving out on Friday. There is no internet at my new house yet. This means that I won't be able to update my site for another few months...unless I pop into the library or raid someones house lol. A random observation I made at work today.....beautiful girls have beautiful friends. hahaa I hope that everyone has a great time over summer and see you all soon.

The Power of Punto!!!

2005-06-28T22:55:00.000+01:00

Today after work Pete (Waitt, there's so many Pete's!) gave me a lift back and to pick up the first load of my junk to his house to start the moving over to Ramilies Road. After making a quick assesment Pete said that it would fit in 3-4 loads. I was absolutely amazed! Still I doubted a bit. When we started to load his car, I saw that it was really going to all fit in in 3-4 loads!!! WOW. Such a relatively small car yet amazing carrying capacity! Pete and Catriona have been a great blessing to me this year. They are so willing to help out in whatever way they can. It really proves the truth of the verses in Mark 10.29-31. The Lord faithfully blesses us with a hundred times of what we lose when we chose to follow Him. :) I'm off to bed now. Got to wake up at 5.30 tomorrow to get to work. I only discovered after a whole year of taking the bus that in fact that it is faster to walk to Asda rather than taking the bus....amazing isn't it. lol. Its because there are shortcuts to take when you walk, and that you don't have to wait for the bus...just in case you were wondering. Good night guys.

Electric Shock!!!

2005-06-27T21:07:00.000+01:00

Today I had my first electric shock. I was trying to take the film out of a cheap disposible camera for processing at work. Suddenly I was zapped and then the battery came flying out. Still the film was still in the camera :( I thought that since the battery was out then the camera wouldn't give me anymore shocks since the circuit had been broken....in my dreams! The next thing I knew I zapped again. This time a lot more viscious than before. My arms reflexed and I threw the camera across the workbench.. This time a larger current caused my pinky to be burnt and I ended up with 9 mini blisters it. OUCH!!! Grrrr.....the hidden battery :( The next hour or two my body was rushing with adrenaline and I was pretty hyper....lol Oh well the health and safety risks of processing a disposible camera!!! Digital ones are the way forward peeps!!! :D Thats enough of me moaning. Bye.

I SO SO SO SO SO hate this business of packing!!!

2005-06-26T00:56:00.000+01:00

AAARRGGHHH man! There are 5 days left for me to pack. My room is a total mess beyond mess. I have to crawl through all sorts of bits of things to get from any place to anywhere else. IT'S A NIGHTMARE!!! But anyway I'm really looking forward to getting into my new house........all this fuss will pay off. *sigh* then there's unpacking to do.

Not Peace but Division

2005-06-24T12:27:00.000+01:00

"I have come to bring fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled! But I have a baptism to undergo, and how distressed I am until it is completed! Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division. From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three.They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law."

Luke 12:49-53

C.K. + Movie = Sleep!

2005-06-24T00:26:00.000+01:00

Hahahahhaa!!!! I have watch many movies with friends....thinking back......I think that I have fallen asleep for half the movies that I watched at least 10% of the film. For some reason or other when given a dark room, a comfy chair and also a movie my body seems to like to turn itself off! Maybe I should even consider not watching any more movies with people....Nah that would be too anti-social. Maybe I should make movie watching a "work" task as revision is and get out some tea or coffee to keep me awake. I only notice this today when I was at Jo and Katie's house for dinner and a movie and I fell asleep for the first 20 or so minutes. Maybe its a desparate cry of my body that i should be sleeping for more than the 5 or so hours I get..... :s

Blog Hijack....Followed By Photo Kidnap!!!

2005-06-23T09:03:00.000+01:00

I was looking through Brittney's blog the other day and i came across the photo below that she posted up. I thought WOW what an excellent photo! I copied it and thought I'll see what are some of the odd photo editing tools on Adobe Photoshop could do. So here we are. Only the one below is the original photo :)

Agape Team

Agape Team B&W

Agape Mission To Mars?

Agape Team In A Contaminated Earth???

Agape Team

I'll like to thank Brittney for the photo...and of course the person who took the picture!

Praise the Lord....who gives us everything that we don't deserve

2005-06-22T23:55:00.000+01:00

Today I started my new job at the photo centre at Asda. I got this job really due to the absolute grace of God indeed, as I have waited an postponed them so many times and also not worked for them for about a year which should have automatically terminated my contract.

Work was good. Everything had to be learnt, as I have never in my life done any photo processing before. It was so different from everything that I ever did. This made me depend on God more to complete each job. I enjoyed myself and after a day of total confusion I finished at 10pm.

Results came out today... They came out when i was working. When I had my dinner I called Nghia up to ask him to check for my results. My heart went racing and in between waiting for the website to load I was considering to ask him to stop but I passed. I remember him saying: "Well, ermm........you passed them all." I was truely expecting to fail my written papers with the possibility of failing my OSCEs as well. But God certainly granted me A LOT of grace and gave me passes for all my papers. For the little work that I did this past year I won't be surprised to fail. Thank You SO much God! :) Well I'm into my second year now. I have often wondered since becoming a Christian a few months back if God really wanted me to study medicine or wether i was here because of my parents or not. My true passion in life lies in cooking and hospitality, not to say that I'm not passionate about medicine. Its probably not something that I would choose if my parents didn't drum it into me as a child. Passing these exams certainly confirmed to me that God wanted me to stay on in medicine, well at least into the second year. This still doesn't guarantee that God wants me to become a doctor. Maybe my time in Liverpool isn't over yet. Maybe He does want me to be a doctor. I guess I will never know until the day I pass my finals for medical school. Today at work I was asked several times by my collegues if I wanted to become a doctor or not. My answer was simple. I wasn't sure. Given the chance of reapplying to universities I'm not sure what I would choose. Well no-one knows me better than God, all I have to do I trust that He has an amazing plan for me and just to be prepared to always seek His will. Hope everyone had as much as exciting day as I did.

Little Things That Melt Your Heart

2005-06-22T01:22:00.000+01:00

Last night Katie and Jo invited us to dinner at theirs'. We had been out for the whole day. My results were supposed to come out yesterday, well according to the notice on Spider they were supposed to. Before dinner Jo asked if I knew what I got, I told her that we had been out for the whole day and hadn't had the chance to check for my results. I asked if I could borrow her computer to quickly check to see if they had come out yet or not. So we went to her room and turned on her computer. She left her room to let me check for my results. After a while of not being able to find them I gave up to go downstairs to ask her where I should be able to find them, just incase I was looking in the wrong place. When I walked out of her room I saw that she was waiting on the top of the stairs for me. At that moment my heart melted for the love that she had. It was totally amazing to me to see how much care that she had. In life its the little things that touch our hearts are the ones that stand out. Its amazing to me to see pure love that comes from Christian brothers and sisters to one another. Its things like this that is a constant reminder to me of the UNCONDITIONAL and infinate love that comes from God and how much He cares for me. Nghia, its been a privilege to have to stay over for the past few days. We've had a good time, also thanks to Gemma and Jenny. I know thats its a fustration for you when I refuse to talk about myself. Thanks for your efforts, and thank you that you don't give up. There will come a day that I will talk to you. Its just easier for me now if I don't talk about things. Tomorrow is the day that I'm going to start work. Its going to be both an exciting and scary prospect. Having to follow a rota is something that I havent don't for about a year now...yeah I've been lazy! I really pray that I will be a good witness to Christ even in the workplace and be bold to share His gospel to my collegues when there is an oppotunity. My results also come out tomorrow. Its a shame that I won't be able to find out what I get until about 11pm because I will be working when they come out at 4pm. Its probably best that they didn't come out before my shift or else I could be rather dull :p Every day I see the amazing wonders of God, how He plans our every move, His plan is so complex yet so perfect! God, You are just so powerful yet loving. And here I am in awe of You. I hope that you all have a good day tomorrow. See you around :)

No results yet....

2005-06-21T00:28:00.000+01:00

After a night of worrying about my results and then sitting and staring at at the clock for noon....my results DIDN'T come out!!!! Oh well more time to panic then! Today was good...had lunch at the italian kitchen in town and went to the musuem for a while before heading out to Katy and Jo's house for dinner. Dinner was really good and we had a good time to chill out..... Thanks for the wonderful evening girls. Well this is a short post because I want to spend some time with Nghia before he goes home tomorrow again. Bye!

ARRRGGHHHHH Results Out Tomorrow!!!

2005-06-19T16:22:00.000+01:00

I just checked Spider (for non-Liverpool Uni peeps its where we get our results) and there was a notice there that said that results for out summative assessments are coming out at noon BST tomorrow!!! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH Well I better myself to see a few 55% to say that i failed the paper!!! The pass marks are so high for the OSCEs 80%!!! The written papers aren't that bad at 60%. Well I guess no one would really trust a doctor that isn't competant in their clinical skills!!! :s So one more day of freedom before restarting my revision for my resits! Opps...my books have all been packed away and I'm not sure in which box they are in. I will have to use the library books then :) Hope that results go well for my coursemates :)

Munkie gets a job

2005-06-19T14:06:00.000+01:00

Hey peeps..... Just had an interview with the photo centre manager at Asda. I will be starting my training there on Wednesday :) Its quite a change from my previous position in the bakery of the Asda back at Bolton. But I think I will enjoy it. I am continuely amazed at how well things work out when we just trust and rely on God. Both my postitions at Asda have just been assigned to me without request and both of them fit into my interests...although they are radically different. From food to technical :) God, thank you that you know all your children so well, and have an amazing plan for us. Thank you that you provide in everything that we need. God, you are an AWESOME God indeed!!! Anyway....Its nice to see that there are so many blogs now. A brand new social network of people as Maurice said. I suddenly discover so many blogs that are around that I didn't know about. It will be a great way to keep in touch with people like Christy when she goes back to America on Monday. Christy and the rest of the Agape team does SO much for us in the pool. You are all such a great blessing to me and the others :) The sites of people in the pool that I discover are all listed on under "People I Stalk" in the sidebar. I'll try to keep it up-to-date. Love u all. See you all around.

Prayer.....

2005-06-18T01:37:00.000+01:00

Hey Guys it would be really great if you guys can pray for Nghia. His parents are giving him to ultimatum to choose between God or them. Read more at his blog. Thanks

Thats The Way It Works!!!

2005-06-17T00:09:00.000+01:00

The past year has past so quickly. So much has happened, so much has past, so much has changed. Yet some things just seem to have happened yesterday! Its been a long time since I have last posted on my site. This has been due to a total lack of motivation by me and the fact that I didn't feel like posting. So lets start with whats been happening in my life pre and post exams so the present moment. Well I will have to make it short or else I'm going to end up boring you. I'll probably do that anyway so please accept my apology. I can't really remember what has happened to be honest. I think the biggest thing that happened before my exams was a wedding cake project for Pam and Peter from Church. I kind of got the task when I volunteered when they told us of their intentions. So the spare time that I had from then on was to research on wedding cakes...everything from baking a large cake to decoration to buying equiptment. It was both an exciting and scary task. The worse part was not knowing what kind of cake to make. They gave me the freedom to make any type of cake and to decorate it whatever way I wanted but this was even harder for me as I really didnt know what they expected. But I'm sure they meant it in the best possible way for me. Well after a long long time I finally decided on what to do. Baking the cake was fine, although the first recipe I tried was quite disasterous and I ended up throwing away a lot of cake. The hardest part of the whole project was icing it. To acheive the immaculately smooth white finish I had to deploy the help of Nghia. I doubted that even if I was confident at handling foundant icing would I be able to handle a cirlcle 22 inches wide. Well the final cake outcome was quite nice.

Wedding Cake

Nghia & me

I was trying to find a decent photo of Pam and Pete together but all my photos didnt turn out too well so if I remember to get some of B.J. or Nick then I'll stick one up. Well after all the excitement it was down to some hardcore revision. For three weeks before my exams I more or less lived in the library, as did many people by the difficulty to find a seat in the library. But I was glad of the 24 hour opening of the library. If the library didnt open I doubt that I would have managed to do much revision in my room. The exams...... Well I got it pretty easy compared to a lot of my friends who had their practical exams, OSCEs and communication skills the very next day after the written papers. The written papers were hard, by that I mean very hard. In fact I'm convinced that I failed both of them. I won't know until my results come out next week........ The practicals were ok...I could have done bettter. I was really crap at communication skills. After months of trying to isolate myself from my feelings, I was really bad at attempting to empathise with the stimulated patient. I was pretty annoyed at myself. I was glad to have this set of exams over with. Now I'm just waiting for my results to come out to initiate my revision for my most probable resits. Between my written exams and practicals, we celebrated Nghia's birthday. His parents came from Manchester with LOADS of food. The food was absolutely delicious. They also brought up a huge cake :)

Nghia's Birthday Party

Minh & me

Nghia's Birthday Cake

The post-exam peroid was totally mad. I was thinking that I would be able to chill out with a friends but it was more like rushing from one thing to another. Well apart from the fact that too much happened in too little time, I did enjoy myself. The event that I held was the dinner party for 22 people in my flat. I am blessed with the gift of cooking and I really enjoy it. There was a variety of dishes, some of which were experimental. Salt and pepper chicken, turkey in hoisin and plum sauce, and pork parcels with ceasar salad and greek salad served with rice, as usual loads of it!! For desserts we had cheesecake and chocolate pots.

Dinner Party

Catherine, Sarah, Jon & Cairine

Dinner Party

Soon it was time for people to go home :( Everyone was in a mad rush to pack and sort things out before going home. We managed to fit in an appointment with Barry to make arrangements for out student house next year. The night before B.J., Jacinth and Nghia were going home, we were supposed to come over to mine for dinner with Haika and us all and for them to sleep over. I went over to Carnatic to help B.J. with his packing. Around 7pm, I got a call from Nghia to ask if we could go to his place instead. My mind when arrgghhh, there was so much to sort out! After about an hour of last minute arrangements we managed to agree for Rosie to pick us up from Carnatic to take us to Nghia's. We finally got there at about 10pm. We had a short but good time with everyone there. There were about 25 people there. I had my first ever toasted marshmallow :) an attempt to make lemon iced tea with Jif, a lemon juice extract in a bottle. It was pretty horrible and several attempts to make it taste ok failed, hence to name "ming tea" came up. lol. It was a shame that we ended up rushing the last 15mins to unload Rosie's car and to walk to catch the last 699 of this academic year. We didn't really get to say a proper goodbye to everyone. After getting home we were hungry as everyone didn't eat any lunch or dinner that day. So I was cooking at half twelve in the morning ;) Whatever meal we were eating then (lol) lasted until about 2.30. We decided to pull an all-nighter as Jacinth was going to catch a train at 05:18hrs. B.J. was extremely tired as he was paint-balling in the morning so he slept in the lounge in my camp bed; to be with us "in body" lol. Nothing too exciting happened that night apart from when I fell asleep Jacinth had a short conversation with sleep-talking B.J.. I just had to fall asleep then didn't I!!!! The next morning I walked Jacinth down to the train station, as it was so early in the morning, I was able to walk up to the platform. Standing outside a train waiting for someone to go is the worse ever thing to have to do. I couldn't avoid my eyes flooding with tears. Both for happiness that Jacinth would soon be home and for my sadness that I wouldn't see her for another 2 and half months. Well it didn't get any better as I still had to send B.J. home that day. Nghia was supposed to go home that day as well but his mum let him stay until Monday to collect his results before going home. In the mean time, he stayed with me. I wasn't too hospitable as I pretty much spent Saturday night asleep!!! hahaha Monday: I had to send Haika and Nghia home.........*sigh* I was rather sad by late afternoon :( but Abi texted me to invite me to dinner and to spend the evening at her house. I enjoyed dinner and also the company of 2nd and 3rd years that were around in Liverpool. We also had lunch the next day. After lunch at Kimos on Tuesday, I properly started the mamoth task of packing my things. Now my room is in a complete mess. I am down to basics in my room and need to get started on the kitchen soon. In the evening I went for a short interview with the Bakery manager at Asda Sefton park. The interview was good. Now I'm just waiting for them to call me back when they can find me a position at the store. The past two days have been really lonely. I haven't spoken to anyone face to face. Even convesations on MSN don't seem to flow or last. I really hope that I get a job to focus on over the holidays. What the past few days have really taught me is that we can't be alone, no one can be alone. And especially when we need help we have to let go of pride to ask other for help. God has given us all brothers and sisters to support us though things. Thats the way it works! It wasn't until my social network is removed that I realise JUST HOW MUCH I DEPENDED ON IT. I can see the next 2 and half months being a really long time, but with God I'm sure it wouldn't feel that long. See you all around.

Prayer Request

2005-05-23T23:59:00.000+01:00

Hey guys, Just a quick post. I have a friend who has been looking into the Christian faith for a while now and wants to become a Christian but is now doubting in the existence of God. He was an atheist but kind of started to believe in God and looked into the Bible. Now he wants to become a Christian but is realising that he still has doubts. It seems like Satan is trying at one last effort to keep him away from God and stop him from finding faith in Jesus. Please pray that God will be working in his life to help him fight through this last battle. Buddy, if you read this I don't know if you want me to say who you are but God will know who people are praying for. Remember that God will help to bring you to Him but will not force Himself into your life (Revelations 3:20). You have to take a step in faith and trust that He is there. I'll add a short prayer for you here: Dearest Lord, I lift up my friend to You. I really thank You for the work that You have already done in his life to bring him to the point that he wants to become a Christian. I thank You for Your grace in salvation, that all it takes is for us to place our trust in You and make You first in our life. Lord I pray that You help my friend do this. Please remove the obstacles that are stopping him from trusting You. Lord please make it so apparent to him that You really do exist. Above all I thank You that Your salvation is free and we need not and cannot do anything to achieve it, that You have paid for it with Your own blood so that we are reconciled with the Father, and we may spend eternity in Heaven. May Your will be done. In Your Loving Name, Amen. Buddy, I will continue to pray for you. Let me know how things go. Speak to you soon.

-----------------------

Also prayers for another friend in R&G who Katy has given a book called "The Jesus I Never Knew". Please pray that God will work powerfully in his life through the book and that we as his friends will always be willing to answer any questions that he has and to love him as we would love a brother. Thanks

So sick of waiting and revising!

2005-05-21T23:47:00.000+01:00

I am so sick revising! It seems to have been so long since I have staring stressing out about my exams that its come to the point of it being really depressing. I am sick of sitting for hours in the library. I'm just going to make a list off the things that I'm sick of:

revising
being stressed out
being moody
feeling depressed
being unsociable
feeling that time is going soooooo sloooooowly :(
sleeping so little
sleeping at random times
caffeine having little effect on me
eating junk food most of the time
living in a REALLY messy room
being in the library so long
talking to no more than 5 people a day
wondering if I will make it into the second year or not
waiting for the exams to be over.......
.........
.....

Well I'm still feeling really rubbish and down. Revision is really taking it toll now.....I just seem to be super irritable! Everything seems to get annoying after a while. I'm even sick of my music collection! Which is really odd because I have 1822 songs to listen to :( I think I'm going to buy a BIG bar of chocolate tomorrow and eat it all....hopefully that would bost my serotonin levels...the happy hormone in the brain........ Having wasted today due to the lack of concentration, I think I'm going to bed to get to church in time tomorrow. Good night..... p.s. Sorry for having to listen to me moan..... :(

Personal Entry

2005-05-18T23:21:00.000+01:00

Dear Lord, At times in my life it often seems that no-one actually is able to perceive things from my view and understand me at all but yet Lord you are there pouring out your love and understanding down onto me. Sometimes I am in a familiar environment with people that I often associate with yet I can feel lost and cut off from everybody but Lord I know that you are there and that I can always run into your arms Lord. Tonight I have been able to see from the eye of the new-comer. How often I may think that we are friendly and welcoming but until things are slightly shifted and changed that I see the weaknesses that I and we have. It is not until I feel like an outsider myself do I know how it feels like to be an outsider. Tonight I understand why when I ask friends to come along to events that they often make an excuse not to come or say that they would come and never turn up. Lord I have wondered about this so many times now I understand indeed! Lord, help me to change the way that I act and make me friendlier to especially to those who are new to a place or group Lord. Change my attitude for the better Lord. I do pray for our CU. I pray that we may be more understanding Lord and more loving. Lord help us to seek out people that we know who are lost or feeling awkward or unwelcome. Lord help us to see that the people who visit do not feel lost and help us to get to know them and make them feel welcomed and a part of the CU. Lord I pray for non-Christians that you bring to our CU. Thank you that they have come and I pray that you are working in them and drawing them to you. I pray that we are willing to answer all their questions and that they would be able to see the love in us and is from you. Things change but Lord You are steady and unchanging. Thank you that you are compassionate and that your love is unbounded. Lord, thank you for the wonderful gift that you have given me: a personal relationship that is intimate and that I am free to talk to you about every aspect of my life. And that you know everything about me Lord and that I need not hide anything from you. Thank you so much Lord! In Your dear Name, Amen :)

24hr Opening on University Library?

2005-05-13T01:06:00.000+01:00

Midnight tonight at the Harold Cohen Library (UoL's Science Library, which covers Medicine hence is pretty much the only library I use) they were serving coffee and getting students to complete a questionaire on their use of the library. The coffee was good and there were plently of chocolate biscuits :)

I had a chance to speak to the Library Manager and asked him a few questions...the most important one being "What are the chances of the 24hour openign continuing next year?" The answer given was 80%. They were very impressed with the excellent usage by students past the normal opening hours. But the biggest factor that would determaine the opening times is funding for the library................ After having a nice chat the staff I'm now back a my desk....apparrently working very hard at errmm blogging....opps I've contradicted my previous post...... Yeah now Im really going to work now :) Take care. See ya soon xx

Annoyed at Uni PC's

2005-05-12T02:05:00.000+01:00

I'd never thought that uni computers could annoy me so much until today!!! :-@ For some absurd reason I have lost my work TWICE today. Its happened to me before but then it was pretty infrequent. But then I didnt really use the uni comps at the beggining of the year. Well today.........the first time was only mild...loosing only a document containing links to some websites when the computer restarted itself when command prompt started itself. Then the second really annoyed me when I lost 8 hours of PBL note making :'( I was checking out some sites when the whole computer hung when ALL the programs stopped responding. I sat infront of the PC for the next ten minutes hoping that the comp would start responding again but it didn't. I restarted hoped that document recovery would help recover at least most of my work but that failed as well :( In fact I'd might as well pretend that I was asleep for the past few hours.....if I did I would have had enough sleep for tonight. I had skipped CU, feeling rather guilty about it but now in hind sight if I had gone to CU I would have been able to worship God and also would have not lost as much work as I wouldnt have done as much. In the end it is also my fault that I didn't periodically save my work during the last few hours............... Considering that next year I wouldn't be living near the uni enough to pop back home to use my own comp, I have decided that I would work really hard over the summer to earn enough money to buy myself a laptop to work in the library. To be honest I dont really fancy having to loose my work on a regualr basis! I have just checked out some sites online. A basis laptop would cost around £600 and a tablet PC around £850. A tablet PC sounds good and I have seen B.J. using his and its pretty kool but that would involve me spending about £300 extra....hmmmmmm...... Well I guess at the end of the day it would depend on how much I earn over summer to see if I could afford it or not. Oh well...I think I;m going to give up on making notes for this module as i don't fancy loosing my notes again neither do I want to make them at home as i would probably just end up fallin asleep on my bed....... Enough of me complaining. Back to work to recover the past 8 hours then, I'm just grateful to God that its not the day before PBL and I have time to re-find my information :D

EXAMS!!!!

2005-05-11T21:37:00.000+01:00

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Panic...Stress...Coffee...coffee...coffee...coffee... Yes, finally exam panic strikes again! These exams would be my first "official" exams at university but they would be my 11th set of exams in my life......not counting all the mock exams that I have sat. Yet despite sitting so many exams you would think that I would have learnt to start my revision earlier as so to avoid the exam panic and lack of sleep from revising late into the night, BUT surprise-surprise I haven't :( To be perfectly truthful these exams are the worse that I have prepared for....having lacked in hard work throughout the past year, certain difficult situations and starting revision WAY too late! The only reason that I am still relatively calm is the fact that I have Jesus. What is going to happen is already planned by the Lord Almighty and that it will be the best outcome. All I need to do is rely on God and His grace to get me through the next few weeks. The Lord is my strength :) So more late nights with coffee...... On the side of this page is the official countdown to the end of my exams :) So until the evening of June 1st, Bye! God Bless :)

Blogging the MSN alternative???

2005-05-07T03:01:00.000+01:00

This is my fifth day without access to MSN. Life has been really good indeed! I've probably gained about 6 hours extra to my day, and I've really been able to focus on my work a lot more. Except for the fact that I end up having to call people up more often to communicate, like asking if they want lunch or not etc (I'm blessed to have so many free minutes on my phone). I've also been able to discover the wonders of having a blog on the internet that I can just ramble my thoughts on the internet when I need a break from my study. I really appreciate Nghia for doing this to me :) It suddenly came across to me that I have spent the past few months really enjoying the blessing of having older brothers and sisters in Christ. Both being more mature in faith and also age-wise with some. Being the effective older brother in my family, I was always expected to behave and do stuff all the time. Its really a privilege to be the younger sibling and without realising for such a long time that I too have had this privilege and will still continue to do so. My thanks to B.J., Haika, Jacinth, Lydia and Nghia for all your support and love :) (also to those of you that I didn't mention :) ) And more thanks to God for putting you guys in my life.

Late night study......

2005-05-06T03:03:00.000+01:00

How full can the library get?!?!?!?!?! I came out to the library to use the university network to access the population perspective (PP) notes (which I now realise that i could have accessed at home as well by creating a VPN, virtual private network, at home.) I was sat there trying to read these notes, but was getting rather bored so I decided that it wasn't my night to study any PP. So after logging out of the PC, I went hunting for some immunology books in the stacks in the library. So far so good...I found all the books that I needed...nice and simple ones like the crash course. In fact I was really chuffed to be able to find 5 books at this crucial stage of the year when people grab all the books they see! After gathering these books I tried to find somewhere to sit down and study. Only now did I realised how many people were in the library! Every little space that had a seat and a table there were students sat down to study! Even in the current journals reading room where it is usually empty! I was quite tempted to just sit on one of the stairs as they were well lit and silent!!!! :) I actually spent about 15 minutes wandering around the library trying to get a quiet spot to study. Eventually I went to HCC8, one of the PC rooms on the top foor which only had about 5 people inside. Perfect........except the fact that I couldnt eat or drink...not even water! I was trying to avoid the PC rooms so that I could drink.....but anyway its better to have somewhere to study than no where. Well earlier today I was speaking to Jacinth and Nghia at lunch. We said that wouldn't it be REALLY good if Jesus came back tonight....then we wouldn't have to revise for the forthcoming exams! Jacinth was saying that she had wished that during her A-levels but it obiviously didn't happen.....or else we won't be here now would we?? Deep down inside I was hoping that the Lord wouldn't return tonight..... Don't get me worng. I would love to see Jesus return tonight....it would be the end of sin and I would be able to admire and worship my Lord face to face. But yet I have so many loved ones that don't share my confidence in salvation. Mom, dad, and lil' bro, (and my dear friends that arent a Christian), if you get here to my site and read this, I really hate to say this but unless you put your trust in Jesus, when He returns you WILL be judged. No one is too great or too insignificant to be missed nor can anyone earn salvation. And the punishment of sin is DEATH.....eternal separation from God (Romans 6:23). There is only so much that I dare to say to you in an email. I just pray that the Lord will bring you here and that you actually read it. The Lord is graceous and powerful. He has the power to move and change hearts....even those hardened over the years. No matter how much you once disliked Christianity, He can change you and will forgive......for the Lord is merciful :) The day of Judgement will come without warning (1 Thessalonians 5:2). Be prepared! (Matthew 24:36-51) Don't keep on putting choosing to trust Jesus off. Lord, I know that you have a plan that is in your timing, which is beyond my comprehension. Lord so often I wish that things happen in human timing, but Lord You know best and its Your Will that will be done. Lord, thank You that You have the promise that once we are in the new Heaven, there will be no more pain and you will be there to wipe away every tear (",) (Revelation 21:4). So whatever your will I know that I will be happy :) Lord, for the time being please keep us all going and keep us pumped with the passion to share the Good News.

I am also grateful for the fact that the Lord has placed around me so many people who are always there to support and encourage me. Even in stressful times like these where we are all busy with exams they are there for me :)

As Nghia has done, I am happy for people to post prayer requests up in the comments, you dont have to be studying in Liverpool, you don't even need to be a Christian, I love to be able to pray for you. For God loves us all, even those that don't know Him.

With much love, Me (",)

"born-again"??????

2005-05-04T18:36:00.000+01:00

Some time ago a friend of mine asked about “born-again”. I would like to take this opportunity to explain this Please note that my explanation is to the best that I can understand it myself hence I would like to welcome others to comment on this if I have stated anything incorrectly or missed out anything. "...no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again." - John 3:3 The term born again mean a spiritual rebirth. When someone places their faith and trust in Jesus and invites Him to be the Lord of their life, they are born again. This birth is birth by the Holy Spirit: "Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit" - John 3:6 Anyone who belives in Jesus and trusts Him is a believer and is "born-again" Baptism is the symbolic way of showing this rebirth. It is a public proclamation of the believer of their faith in Christ. The water of baptism shows the washing of the old-self and the birth of the new body. A body that is part of the body of Christ. I hope that this has been able to explain the meaning of born-again. As I said before I would like my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who have been in faith longer than me to correct anything that I have got wrong and to add to what I might have missed out. Thanks

God is Good to all

2005-05-04T09:27:00.000+01:00

How amazing and loving is the living God! Today I called up Asda to ask them why they had contacted my dad. They said that they had a position for me in the Liverpool store and was trying to get through to me but had no telephone number to call me on. Apparently my dad said that he would call them back with my number but instead he chose to email me. Well there were other things on the email as well, and I didn't call Asda until today because I wanted to sort out the issues on the email first. It wasn't until yesterday that I felt prompted by God to reply. He was there with me (as always) as I wrote my dad the email, giving me every word to say. Thank You God. B.J. thanks for your comment on the other post (more related to this one but this one didnt exist when you posted it) [Its the 2nd comment if anyone checks; just incase anyone thinks it doesn't make sense :P ] Well I'm just waiting for Asda to call me back when they find me a position, the previous position has probably has already gone as it has been two weeks since they had it. To be perfectly honest I can see that God is TOTALLY in control of this as should I have got that position I would really struggle to keep up with a job as well as all my PBL (problem based learning) and revision! Our God really does love us and DOES provide us with ALL we need! There has been SO many times that I have seen God CLEARLY providing for me, not to say the many little things that He also provides for that I constantly overlook. Praise the LORD :)

Going Cold Turkey from MSN

2005-05-03T15:43:00.000+01:00

Hey all, Exams are coming up soon and the wedding cake project is over now [more on that and photos will be posted after my exams.....one month later!!!! ] Well to help me study moomunkie has decided to help me spend less time errmm no time on MSN by changing ALL my MSN netPassport passwords that I have.....that's all 4 accounts that i have....despite 2 being inactive!!! So people you WON'T be seeing me online at all until 2nd June 2005. If you do it probably means that I have tried to hack into my account....which would be quite easy as I know the secret questions and answers.............SHOUT AT ME IF I COME ONLINE BEFORE 2ND JUNE!!!!!! In the mean time, I just have to rely on blogging and commenting on blogs....... BYE!!!!

Munkie-CK gets a blog

2005-04-30T03:23:00.000+01:00

This is CK's new blog. I'm joining the geeky world of having a bit of the internet! Welcome to all my friends from school, college, university especially the City CU crew =) Oh well its early in the morning and I'm extremely bored of studying hence deciding to start this blog. Anyway I have exams to study for and wedding cakes to finish to I've got to go! Have a good day guys. See you soon